LIGHTS, CAMERA , ELECTION : To avoid playing the leading painful role in the horror movie ,The Ides of March, Premier Newman announces early election to media actors.
In its desperate bid to become a box office hit instead of a floperoo , the Newman Government is using a Puberty Blues movie theme in its television advertisements .
These depict the LNP team as a muscular surf boat crew stroking into the breakers and then riding the bombora back to shore to the cheers of spunky chicks and bloated carpetbaggers stomping about on the beach at Surfers Paradise. With so many tubby candidates who look as if they would have trouble pulling on their boots let alone pulling on a oar , it is surely a bit deceptive presenting the LNP as healthy life savers .
In these clips the Australian Labor Party is depicted as an inept surf boat crew in a Perfect Storm which broadsides and is swamped, like a perished and punctured rubber ducky with a rusty squeaker .
Premier Newman invoked the power of celluloid when he strolled about a lifeless movie set , possibly being prepared for The Curse of the Mummies , offering millions of bucks to overseas movie makers and endless buckets of tasteless popcorn . This caused a highly successful Aussie filmstar who lives in a castle to shout , “Get stuffed !” Not the response the LNP wants from voters.
In the case of the Palmer United Party ( PUP) , where Clive suddenly disappeared, it is working on a powerful campaign movie, soon to be screened , which will be a mixture of Jurassic Park and Lassie Can’t Come Home to the Election Launch because she’s with the Vet , plus a Saturday matinee Jaffas and scone treat , namely Son of Joh.
NEXT : ALP springs punchy Rocky l , Rocky ll , Rocky lll assault in Townsville and journalists forget to ask obvious questions .