Friday, January 9, 2015


In  the Northern Territory,  the Darwin daily newspaper  often consults a crocodile to predict  the outcome of elections  and football  matches . Two hunks of  meat , representing the two contenders  , are  hung in  front of  the croc and  the one  it grabs is then a  sure bet. In   more sophisticated  Queensland , Big  Bird  is consulted  in a  mystic grotto on  Magnetic Island  to obtain advance knowledge  of  outcomes  in  future  major  events .

In a  reverential  pose, Little Darwin approached  Big Bird ,  who has a striking resemblance  to  a  giant  albino  Curlew, and  sought  advice  from  the  feathered , all - knowing , wise  one on the outcome of the Queensland  election.  In  a considered  response , Big Bird , sounding like the Dali Lama  , chanted  that  the  LNP  would  be  plucked  and  fried  like  KFC.

Asked   how  the ALP  would  fly in the election , especially in  the Townsville  region , Big Bird   said  the   water  in  his  bath  would  turn  to champagne, cleary indicating that the  three  LNP  seat holders ,  David  Crisafulli (Mundingburra) , John  Hathaway  (Townsville )   and   Sam  Cox  (Thuringowa)  would  go the way of the Dodo.   In the case of  Crisafulli,  Big Bird  warbled  a  truly  cryptic  comment  that he is in for  an  ugly Mackay moment.   Only Big Bird and  Buddha  probably know the  meaning of   this  profound   statement . 

Suddenly , out of nowhere , there was   loud singing of We are the Champions , followed  by a   blinding  flash of light . Kaboom!...A  corflute for Townsville ALP  candidate  Scott Stewart  materialised   next to  Big  Bird.  Bookies have interpreted this  as a  sure  sign  that  school principal  Stewart is the red hot favourite  to  win   the  seat  . NEXT : Another  Oracle  confirms  LNP  will  croak.