Thursday, May 4, 2017


BUCKINGHAM  PALACE : In a shock announcement , the Duke of Edinburgh , above , today said   he  is  definitely  alive  and  will  be sending  back  to  Australia  the  knighthood   that  forelock  tugging colonial    vassal  Tony Abbott  bestowed upon  him  in a moment of  lunacy.  In  an exclusive interview  with  Little Darwin  , the  Duke  said  he  is too old to  clank about  the nation  in  a  knight's  heavy  armour . 

He   suggested  Prime Minister  Malcolm  Turnbull   should   wear  the  armour  to  protect himself  from   the  slings and  arrows   of  his  own  serfs   in   the  party room in  what  is shaping  up  to  resemble  the  Battle  of  1066  and  all  that.

If Australia did not want  the gift wrapped  armour  personally returned by  the  Governor-General ,  the  Duke  said he would  flog  it  off  to  Steptoe  and  Son   for  some  drinking  money , the Queen notoriously tight  with  quids  in  this   area  of  vital   palace  expenditure .  

Soon after making  this stunning  statement,  Prince Philip , wearing the Aussie  armour , made  from Chinese steel , not a  product of  Whyalla , dined with  former  Australian PM  and  Akubra  hat  court  jester ,  John Howard ,  at The  Ritz  and   came down  with   gripe , rectified   with a hearty  swig of   alcoholic  milk  of  magnesia .  

The jovial  Prince  said the gripe attack had been caused by the Murdoch paper , The Sun ,  another bloody awful paper , like the old  Daily Expressdeclaring  he  had  died  . Lifting his  visor , he  had  asked  Howard   during  the luncheon  in  the  swish  eatery to peer inside  and  confirm   that  he  was  indeed  alive  and  kicking .  Howard reportedly  told  Phil the Greek  that  Murdoch  has another  bloody awful  paper in Sydney , The Daily Telegraph .