Saturday, May 20, 2017



Comedy/Horror, 72 minutes, not rated.
After their final day of High School, seven gorgeous girls hold a slumber party to celebrate their imminent  departure to college. That same night, on the dark side of town, a maniacal chef goes on a killing spree and soon turns up at their party. Can the girls’ gym coach come to the aid of the bikini-clad group? Unfortunately no. The movie moves on from  there. Quote: ‘Hilarity ensues as the blood bath begins.’

Viewers under 12 years of age who are willing to suspend their critical senses and their bladder urges may get a few minutes titillation from Bikini Blood Bath. Expect long sequences of bikini-clad girls dancing in someone’s house; be ready to wait a long time before you get a glimpse of an unclad mammary – but so many of you settled for this when the film was released that you encouraged the film makers to go on to not one but two sequels. In a U-tube review of these movies, the reviewer said (quote): “Fuck you for making this movie, and fuck you for making  two  sequels.” 

Comedy/Horror, 71 minutes, not rated.

Jenny is a freshman at Community College. She and her seven  gorgeous classmates  pay their tuition fees  by working at Miss Johnson's Bikini Carwash . During  an after work séance  they accidentally  resurrect the infamous Chef  Death . The Chef hunts  down the bikini  clad girls  at Miss Johnson's Year End Party and the side splitting  bloodbath  continues .

This script is more mature than the last. Environmentally-sound carwash detergent is used in recognition of today’s pollution issues.So, what is the appeal of B movies?  They’re fun to pick apart for clumsy script continuity, execrable acting, plot holes, blatant politically unsound material, unbelievably cheap effects, and so on. After a while some films become endearing because of their amateurishness.

Enduring a series of the utterly bad to find that one fantastic turd that has your ribs and jaw hurting by the end, and lends itself to repeat drunken viewings with friends is rewarding. Among thousands of crappy B-films, most of which are instantly forgettable or too painful to endure to the finish are the few rare gems; the point it, is it worth it?  I say yes! But beware anything made intentionally stupid and corny. Pretentious self-consciousness makes me puke.

Comedy/Horror, 71 minutes, not rated.
Jenny and Sharon return after being  twice stalked by Chef  Death  ( the second time by the same resurrected maniac ). While Miss  Johnson lies in a  coma , the girls are working for her cross-dressing  sister , Ms Johnson, at her Bong Shoppe . The Bong Shop  and  a strictly Christian Delicatessen are in fierce competition for Christmas  season customers . Once again  Jenny accidentally resurrects  the Killer Chef .

The bikini-clad girls put their fear aside and invite their rivals to a big holiday party. Mysteriously, guests at the party begin to disappear, leaving everything covered in blood. Who is the killer? Who will live? Who will be slaughtered? Whose bikini top will come off? Most important, who will win the epic eggnog wrestling match? 
The eggnog scene pays homage to the fertility/alcoholic/mud wrestling fantasies of most academics. The bikinis themselves refer to the superficial quality of existential debate  in American society. Get the idea? The ‘B’ Movies are beginning to subvert the glossy artificiality of Hollywood. Give them time. As an aid to selecting the latest and best in B-movies on sale in Cannes, check out this selection of current titles and  their  taglines;

-          BUNNYMAN: Pretty girls die young          

-          THE EVES: Are you ready to be delivered?

-          DEER CROSSING: Keeps your eyes on the road

-          PELT: You were warned!


-          DEDD BROTHERS: Four brothers and a little kidney

-          CRUEL WILL: Your inheritance awaits 

See  post  below