In a secret location in Melbourne-Toorak,actually-elegant French tutor Madame Pompadour , above , is running a finishing school for the many women clamouring to become Liberal Party candidates at the looming election. Our exclusive photograph reveals she is having trouble coping with the climate change induced heatwave.
In a Little Darwin interview conducted while she daintily downed three plates of Coalition tripe , a side serving of pickled cane toad , washed down with a pint of latte , she popped her corsets and gave several lady-like burps .
All Liberal women candidates, she insists, should wear giant wigs like the one she sports , tastefully decorated with organically grown produce to win the votes of vegans , strawberry growers , swinging Greenies . Ladies sporting a sprig of cleavage , she added , could capture the attention of National Party country bumpkins who spend too long with sheep. A bunch of Merlot added to one's coiffure is likely to win the vote of a grape groper .
The school is a vital part in a desperate move to try and improve the bully boy image of the Liberal Party in which women are rarer than Dodos. It is understood Kelly O'Dwyer , the Federal Minister for Women and Mirages , will officiate at the glittering graduation ceremony in a telephone booth in the very near future .
