BUMBLE IN THE JUNGLE AS CHIMPS GO APE

 Under the leadership of its  new  leader, the howling monkey, Syd Vicious ,  the  culled  Congealed  Party  of   the  Congo is recovering from  an outbreak of   monkeypox   in   leafy coconut  groves .  

Pictured  above  are  survivors  of  the  pox   planning  a   rumble  in   the   jungle  three  years  hence.  It  includes  continuing to throw  numerous  buckets  of   toxic  elephant  shit  over  the  swinging   ALP  Tarzan , sweeping   their  own   past   performances  under  the  thick  jungle  carpet  , plus   continuing   to   lick   the   pork  barrel  in   public. 

With a strong  cargo cult mentality , the  Bongo from  the  Congo   Club   expects manna from Heaven   and  strong  support  from  the  Murdoch  Nubian  chattering  Orang-outangs. Happy-clapping, defrocked  missionaries  are   also  expected  to  keep  it  supplied   with   jumbo   dung   ammunition . 

ARRIVALS AND DEPARTURES

Vallis  series.

UPSIDE DOWN , BACK IN TIME , WITH SERPENT AND WINGED INVADER BIRTHDAY

 A  certain  mature aged  gent , who wishes to remain  anonymous for obvious  reasons  , is  resting  in  a dark  room  days  after  his   84th birthday  due  to all  the excitement  of  the  occasion  . His  slightly tipsy cake  is  shown  below .

A daughter and two great grandchildren, a boy almost five and a girl , 2 1/2,  walking  to the bus in Townsville , with  the  cake, encountered  a large  snake in  the grass , next  to  the   footpath.  

Fortunately , the  children were not  devoured  and   the  cake  remained   intact .  Naturally, the   kinders  were  keen  to  get  into  the cake  as  soon as possible  when  it was  unpacked and  put  on  display. They were, however,  firmly  told  to  be  patient  , leave  the  cake  alone .

No   longer able to  restrain himself, the  boy picked up the  cake,  brought it out  to show  everyone-  and  it   fell  face  down  on  the  carpet!

Quickly  picked up , it was  given  mouth to mouth and  eventually the  revived cake  was  ready to be prepared for consumption. The  boy  eagerly proceeded to  put  the  84  candles  into place- except  he  got them wrong way  round,  so  that   it  was  48  - a long  time ago.  

.There  was  more wildlife  excitement later  that  day when   the   resident   Curlews  were  fed  at  the  back  of  the house  as  part of  the birthday party . A   cheeky Currawong ,  pictured below , gatecrashed  the  party  and  stole some of  the   Curlew  tucker. 

     

   

RED MORNING WALK

 

Townsville.  Abra photographs.

THE LUCKY COUNTRY GALLOPS BACK : SEVEN YEARS OF PLENTY AHEAD ?

 An  artist  is so  pleased  by  the change of  government  in Australia  she has  decided  to   convert   a   large  pile  of   horseshoes  into various  works of   art - symbolising  the   return  of   the   Lucky Country .

                                    

The  horseshoes , numbering about  120, some bought from  a dealer  in  Victoria , have  been stored away in two containers  in  a shed  for  years. The ones  above are  thought to be  aluminium.   The  other  batch, below, are   rusty looking .

As a result of  Anthony Albanese  winning  the election  and  ScoMo destined for the knackery , the artist was spurred into action . She whipped out  two of the  rusty  horseshoes , gave them a rub down with a  wire brush and  sprayed  them  with   paint.    

Her artistic skills have  been used in many mediums .  She admits that  when she  bought  the  horseshoes  she   decorated  a  small number , above,    with seven pieces  of   dichroic glass .  

This was because she had read that  a horseshoe was  commonly held in place by seven nails ; the number seven had   been considered as important since  ancient  times.

In addition, life was divided into seven ages ; the body goes through a radical change every seven years ; a  rainbow  has  seven  colours ; there are seven deadly sins ; seven days in a week and the moon changes from one phase to  another  every  seven  days. 

In ancient Europe, the crescent shape represented the various moon goddesses , a sign of protection , good luck and  fertility, protection from the  Evil Eye.

 

 Hanging  the horseshoe in the upward "U" position  was supposed  to hold  in all the good luck . Others believed hanging it  in the  downward  position resulted  in  the  loss of  good luck .

The artist pointed out  that sailors used to nail a horseshoe to the foremast of  a  vessel  to  ward  of  witches  and wizards .

It was  suggested  that  one of  her horseshoes  placed next to a rain  gauge, as above,   might  protect  houses  from   regular once  in 100  years  floods  ,resulting  in a  massive  demand . They could sell well  at  places like Horseshoe  Bay  on  Magnetic  Island and flooded  areas   such  as  Brisbane and   Lismore  , NSW  . A  replica of  America's  Statue  of  Liberty  made  from  horseshoes  is   being   considered . 

AUSTRALIAN PICKERS

 

MISTY MORNING

Anderson  Park  Botanic  Gardens ,Townsville. 

Abra photographs.

UNSTOPPABLE PROMINENT ACTIVIST IN COURT OVER DRIVING INCIDENT

No  convictions were  recorded   against  Darwin  agronomist  Robert Wesley-Smith , 79 , when he appeared in court  recently on  two charges  connected  with  allegedly  failing  to observe  a  stop sign  at   Alice Springs . However, he  was  ordered   pay   levies  of   $300. 

The stop sign  episode  came near  the  end  of  a 12,000  kilometre outback  trip by Wesley-Smith   from  Darwin, down through  Western  Australia , across to South Australia,  up  through Coober Pedy, on  the way back to Darwin. During the  safari  Little  Darwin ran some of  his  interesting  photographs and  stories  picked up  along  the  way .

 Court was told that  he  was the co-founder and secretary of the Northern Territory Council for Civil Liberties, a known human rights advocate, had  campaigned against the Vietnam War . As a result of  him campaigning for East Timor he had been awarded that country's highest  honour, the Ordem de Timor-Leste .

In  addition,  he  had  received the  Fitzgerald Social Change Award  from the  NT Human Rights  Council and  the  Australia Day Council Achievement  Award  for  outstanding contribution to  the Territory community .  

ANOTHER TRANSPLANT FOR MERMAID

 The  weather- worn  kisser of  former Prime Minister Scott  Morrison on  the maltreated   body  of   Magnetic  Island's mysterious mutilated   mermaid  has been  replaced with  a  new  head . It is  jammed  into   the  cavity  left  by  the   fiend  who  beheaded  her , her  arms  also  ripped  off  over  time . 

 In her new look  she seems sun smart- wearing a floppy hat  to  protect  herself  from climate change-especially  coral  bleaching  episodes.  

On close examination, our  roving , snap happy Shipping Reporter says it  looks as though  an  attempt  was  made  to  screw   a  prosthesis , a wooden  arm , or  a   military  epaulet onto  her  shoulder .  What  weird   outrage   next   on  this  poor sea creature  whose  plight  has  gone  unnoticed  by  the   mainland  media  ?  

Intact  mermaid on a bad hair day . 

FRENCH RESET IN NORTH AUSTRALIA

In  breaking  news , the  buzz  is  that the popular French restaurant and  brasserie , Le Paradis  ,  at  Nelly  Bay ,   Magnetic  Island , has  been  sold  in  a  move  which  will   affect  the  operation  of  another   large  cafe  on  the  island . More   later . 

ISLAND STONED / TRIMMED / WATERED

Rocks  regularly rearranged  on  Magnetic Island .

Cutting trees underneath  powerlines . 

Blue lines marking bitumen  to  be cut to give access in major old  water pipe replacement   work , Nelly  Bay. 

MORE OWL FLIGHTS OF FANCY

Recently made in North Queensland owl necklaces .

 

Made  in  England  op  shop  owl  egg cup  with  shells.

VALE GORGEOUS GEORGE

 One of  the  many  characters  of   Darwin   in the l950s  ,  George   Hunter  , died  in  Perth  last week  at  the age of 92,  his funeral  this  Friday .  A   Works and  Housing  meter  reader and  a member of  a top  football  team ,  he  was  greeted  everywhere  he  went  in  the  city  .   

A   drummer  as  well , he  performed at  many Darwin venues, and  is  shown  here  playing  at  the  Parap  Hotel .    Because  of   a  mop of  curly  hair,  he  was  nicknamed   Gorgeous George . 

 

The  impressive   locks    fell out   during  a   holiday  in  Perth  and  he returned  to  Darwin wearing   a beret . The reason for  his defoliation   was  attributed  to  the  fact  that during a  Darwin   party, by  mistake , he  had picked  up a  bottle of  ant- rid , containing thallium ,  in  a  kitchen ,  and  had  a  quick, hearty  swig .

By Peter Simon 

  

 The hooker  in the  tough  Wallabies  rugby  league team , George  collapsed   during a watch  in  the humid wet  season , played on  the  rock hard oval  supposed  to  be  softened by  monsoonal rain. Taken to  hospital , it was  found  that  he was suffering from dehydration ; a doctor said he was like somebody brought  in  from  the  Sahara Desert . 

In  the  above  circa l950s photograph of the  Wallabies  , Gorgeous George is in the second row , second from the left .  That's coach Noel Turvey in white, with  long white sox ; the  tallest person in the back row , a former British  police officer,  Alan Barnes ;  holding a cigarette  and wearing  dark glasses  at  the end  of  the   back row , far right ,  was  Kiwi  clerk Terry Alderton  who  organised   boxing  matches.  

Long  after  he left   Darwin ,  George   was  reported  to  be driving about Perth in a  Rolls-Royce.  A  daughter  became a  chef at the Prime Minister's residence, The Lodge, Canberra  , during  the  time of  Bob  Hawke. 

Following George's  death, I received  information that  when  he  was a  meter reader  in  Darwin   he  discovered  that   the  meter  at   a prominent  football club , which  used a  large amount of water,   had  been tampered with, actually ran backwards , presenting  another  Sahara Desert   situation  when  it  came  to   being  billed.

SKY HIGH SCENE

Vallis photos .

MONSTROUS RUSSIAN UKRAINE INVASION CAPTURED BY CARTOONISTS

 

BABBLING BARNABY SOON TO BE PORKED ?

 Seen  as  part  responsible  for  the  Coalition  being  reduced  to  a bundle of greasy  pork spare ribs  in  the  election  , an impediment  to the  future  use  of   the  rotting carcass. 

There is a strong  belief  within the  National Party  that   its leader and  former Deputy PM , Barnaby Joyce , does  not speak  for  the  bush  , regional areas   and   capital  city dwellers. However, he does  mumble a  lot  ,  and   has  great   difficulty  pronouncing  the name  of  the  now  ALP  PM, Anthony Albanese  .

Everywhere he went on the campaign  trail  bagging the ALP, Greens and independents , hammering home  the  same  messages of  doom and gloom  by  ScoMo , Joyce   continually  mispronounced   the   Opposition Leader's  surname: Called  him  ALBANAZE.

A  stressed Barnaby Joyce  staffer, Fred Oink , above , explained  the  constant   mispronouncing  by  saying  it was  due to  his  boss  being   dazed , crazed, hazed   and  wearing  a  new  tight  cowboy hat, like his mate, pistol- packing  Bob Katter  from  Kennedy ,  which  cut  off   blood supply  to  his  furry  tongue  and  sweaty  armpits.  

  

A body language expert said the  above photograph  showing  Barnaby Jaze  grimacing under  a  brand new  cowboy  hat   supports  the  claim  that  his speech  impediment  is  due  to  a  poor  flow  of  blood  to  his brain  during  a booze session in an outback shanty pub run by the  CWA.

The  observation has been made that politicians who make a big thing about wearing   cowboy  headgear  are   all    hat    and  no  cattle . 

UFO FROM ANOTHER GALAXY ARRIVING CAIRNS, WANTING TO MEET NEW LEADER

Photo  by  Aeronautical  Correspondent , Abra .

 

COALITION CROCKS MOUNT CROC ATTACK

In the election aftermath, former  Defence  Minister  Peter  Dutton , above, has donned camouflage , presenting   a new  cuddly image, in his bid to become the leader of the  drummed out  Coalition. Our exclusive photo shows he is  already being  challenged  by  a  nervous survivor   from  within the  extensively  culled  ScoMo  swamp. 

Dutton is  wearing  a  large  skullcap to hide his nude nut  , but forgot to  apply sunscreen  to  protect  his  face  from  being  cooked   due  to   climate  change . 

SUNBIRD ON RUN TO TOWNSVILLE

Shipping Reporter snap. 

 

HAWAII TURNS BACK SCOMO'S BOAT ; STRANDED ON POOP DECK IN TSUNAMI

 HONOLULU :  Authorities   here  are  refusing  permission  for  ousted  Prime Minister   Scott  Morrison  to  sail   to    Hawaii   aboard  the  Chinese  luxury  liner   SS  Bounty, above,   because  it could be  carrying    monkeypox. 

Ace political reporter  Argus Tuft   recently   exclusively  revealed  that  ScoMo  had  been  booked  aboard  the  Bounty  to sail from   Sydney  to Hawaii   the  week  after  the election  at  the start of a getaway cruise ,to overcome exhaustion caused  by  the record number of  photo  opportunities he staged  , which included crash-tackling  kiddies and  grannies ,  squirting Townsville  tarts . 

A  celebrity epidemiologist  told  Tuft  that  during   the last two weeks of  the election campaign  ScoMo   spent  much  time   buttering  up  past  Liberal   Party   Donkey Kong   voters  and  the  Sky  television  after  dark  simians.

As a result , he could be   a  carrier of   unsightly  monkeypox, which could spread througout  all  passengers  aboard  the  Bounty .

An Hawaiian   official  warned  drastic  measures  would be taken   to prevent  monkeypox entering the territory.  Any cruise boats arriving from Australia, especially the one carrying ScoMo , would  receive  a  hostile reception- passengers  clubbed  to  death  like  early  pesky missionaries. 

BUTTERFLY LOVE ISLAND

 Larger of  two Birdwing butterflies  searching for  foliage on which to lay   eggs  caught  fluttering  about  Magnetic  Island  .Vallis photo .  

CANDID ELECTION REFLECTIONS

Final debate .

 

 Early  voter  at the  back  of  a long  queue  on  Magnetic Island  eager  to  sink  fangs into  a  democracy  sausage 

Dried  up  inland  stream , Australia. Geoff Loveday Collection  

TEAL CANDIDATES FENCE IN AND SCARE BLUE BRIGADE, SKY TELEVISION , NEWS CORP ; RUN HAIRDRESSING SALON ?

Vallis photo.