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Ace political reporter Argus Tuft recently exclusively revealed that ScoMo had been booked aboard the Bounty to sail from Sydney to Hawaii the week after the election at the start of a getaway cruise ,to overcome exhaustion caused by the record number of photo opportunities he staged , which included crash-tackling kiddies and grannies , squirting Townsville tarts .
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A celebrity epidemiologist told Tuft that during the last two weeks of the election campaign ScoMo spent much time buttering up past Liberal Party Donkey Kong voters and the Sky television after dark simians.
As a result , he could be a carrier of unsightly monkeypox, which could spread througout all passengers aboard the Bounty .
An Hawaiian official warned drastic measures would be taken to prevent monkeypox entering the territory. Any cruise boats arriving from Australia, especially the one carrying ScoMo , would receive a hostile reception- passengers clubbed to death like early pesky missionaries.
