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Speaking in tongues , which causes his own side to giggle nervously, Barnaby Joyce, left, holding a bush media conference in which he kept on pointing at individual reporters , calling their name over and over , and urging them to ask a question . One harassed scribe described the experience as being subjected to combined Chinese water torture and wrist burning .
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CANBERRRA : The Turnbull government has developed a cunning new language to baffle Chinese hackers who have so far stolen all of Australia's secrets , run the greasy spoon café in the new billion dollar ASIO headquarters and plan to fill the nation's Vaseline jars with sand sucked up from the South China Sea, this latest dastardly act greatly limiting the population or perish defence plan as outlined by Peter Costello .
The new baffling language is BUSH , acronym for Barnaby Utterly Stupefies Han (Dynasty) . It has been inspired by the strange utterances of Deputy Prime Minister (God help us, not New Zealand !) , Barnaby Joyce , in which he uses algorithms , a version of the rhythm method , astronomical sums of money which he likes to express as hundreds or thousands of millions , including a warning about cracks in the Hoover Dam , frequently mentioning a mysterious person called Bill the Dill , apparently one of the local yokels , a tirade which completely and utterly baffles any audience , especially those fiendish Oriental eavesdroppers after our absolutely brilliant plans to make a giant leap forward in the hop , step and jump event at the forthcoming Commonwealth Games in Queensland when trains will be running on time throughout the state, thanks to Benito Mussolini .
