CANBERRA : Astonished Revenue and Financial Services Minister Kelly O'Dwyer , above , recently caught informing a slack media pack that the Australian Labor Party has more positions than the Kama Sutra. This sensational revelation caused major world publishing houses to rush in and make fabulous offers to the ALP for the right to produce a highly illustrated book on the subject for the Christmas market . There are predictions sales of the book will be astronomical , bigger even than the total income from all the Harry Potter novels and movies .
This stunning information about the raunchy ALP comes at a time when there has been a furious and concerted campaign by the Coalition, caught short on so many issues, to belittle Leader of the Opposition Bill Shorten . Now there are predictions that after the ALP Kama Sutra whopper is published and slipped into many Chrissy stockings throughout the globe , hairy chested Shorten will change his name to Longfellow , after the romantic Yank poet .
With his intimate knowledge of the innovative positions held by the ALP over the decades, former PM Bob Hawke will contribute a breathtaking introduction , complete with many footnotes, to the 1000 page glossy coffee table book .
It is understood Rupert Murdoch , with vast book publishing interests , put a lucrative proposition to the ALP in which his pensioned off P3 girls , masked, would be rehired for guest appearances throughout a 3D encyclopedia , bound in tooled leather , with a green and gold of Oz cover sheet . Right now there is a feeling of good vibrations in the ALP while the Coalition obviously has a flat battery with badly corroded terminals.