Our strange waterfront roundsman now insists the subject of the following series of photographs is a genuine mare's-nest, not an obvious pile of flotsam which has been drifting about Cleveland Bay for months , finally running aground on Magnetic Island .
Even though the odd shaped mass collided with and nearly sank the office coracle while the Shipping Reporter was paddling in it , off Townsville , looking for non-faux news , he has come to like what he insists could be passed off on the unsuspecting public as a floating mare's nest or something truly grotesque .
He strongly suggests it be promoted through the massive global readership of this blog to become a major tourist attraction for the island when the lockdown ends. So here starteth the promotion , with Shipping Reporter supplied dodgy text , making use of an out of date poetic licence, for each photo used in your average deceptive advertising campaign .
A cross between a Shetland pony, the Loch Ness Monster and a Bunyip, this is the must see sea monster in North Queensland intent on tearing Bob Katter to shreds . The RSPCA has approved this stunt as long as the crocodile receives an immediate stomach pump after devouring Katter . Thereafter, a rubber dummy will be used for the packed daily munchings and weekend matinee specials .
Believe it or not, this scruffy looking crustacean will represent Australia at the next Eurovision Song Contest and bookies reckon she will win. Rush to Magnetic Island and personally learn the secrets of musical success from this international star, destined to become more famous than Dame Nellie Melba , after making a donation to the Little Darwin Cruise Ship Holiday Fund.
A clone of this human flesh eating plant-related to the deadly Triffids from outer space and those at James Cook University-will be supplied to every lucky person who jets into Townsville on Mickey Mouse Airlines, catches the raft across to Magnetic Island , and then pays $100 into the Shipping Reporter's Molly Malone's Irish Pub Drinking Fund . Your pet clone will devour landlords who come demanding the rent , debt collectors and any others you want exterminated.
See the world's only elephant grown in a CSIRO test tube which escaped to Magnetic Island,where he skinny dips and does Indian rope tricks . Be quick to visit paradise , as Disney/Fox are already negotiating to buy Jumbo to ship him back to the White House as a distraction during Rose Garden media conferences , running his wet trunk up Donald's leg in an endless search for a banana or some peanuts , certainly no chance of finding grey matter upstairs.
