JOURNALIST DRIVEN TO DRINK BY BUNGLED DEFENCE SPENDING

Former sober Foreign Editor on The Australian newspaper , Greg Sheridan , above, in his new  important post as head of  the Australian Hotels Association delivered shock  news  today on Sky Television. He warned the nation  against rampaging , drunken  pink elephants, faulty beer barrel bungs and angry short soup slurping  penguins , the  ill-equipped  Royal  Australian Navy  having  no  defensive  weapons  against   the  latter . 

Sky  and Newscorp  immediately  launched  a  nation-wide smokescreen  to   cover  ScoMo's  derriere over defence  shortcomings  and  disorientate  the hordes  of  squawking  penguins  massing  on  our border, close to Samoa , lusting  after our  barbecue  shrimps  and   women .