CANBERRA: VIP lifejackets are being stockpiled in the Coalition funk bunker in readiness for the aftermath of the Wentworth by-election when it will be a case of bugger the call for women and children to be the first into the new French, nuclear- powered lifeboats .
The crew of the government's leaking bumboat, SS Scomo , have been instructed to give the nation the bum steer that the disabled government is proceeding at full steam ahead , on course, barnacles scraped from the hull and used in another SBS seafood cooking special.
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In a vain bid to make his crew appear slightly likeable, fun loving matelots, instead of scurvy waterfront rats, Captain Morrison, pictured , without parrot and wooden leg , has ordered them as a matter of urgency to get tattoos which carry the clear message Kill Bill and nice heart shaped ones worded Mums and Dads, a regular utterance which causes an outbreak of mal-de-mer in the community when uttered by Coalition politicians who should have been abandoned on church doorsteps by their parents at a tender age .
On his recent visit to the stewed apple isle of Tasmania, after a rough voyage across the Bass Strait, pea green looking Captain Morrison waved his arms about like a groggy tic-tac man at a racecourse , informing the seasick audience that everybody in the rusty government empty vessel is pulling in the same direction , with the help of galley slaves wielding whips, threatening loss of pre-selection if they do not do so .
Despite this discipline , there are signs of icebergs ahead , bellbottom trouser wearing Liberals who regard themselves as moderates are preparing to act like Japanese fake scientific whale harpooners after the Wentworth vote ,which promises to be more horrifying than the ordeal of the Ancient Mariner who killed and gave an albatross the KFC treatment ,without any herbs and spices.
