The Fixer, Christophere Pyne, has been ordered to teach China a lesson for hacking the parliament house security system . In this exclusive report from award winning Canberra political reporter, Argus Tuft, comes the startling news that we are on a war footing with the world's most powerful short soup factory and shifter of sweet and sour South China Sea sand .
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| Chairman Po face |
The ABC took the incredible action of interrupting the Romper Room telecast to break the serious news that Minister Pyne and Peta the Pig are advancing on the Chinese Embassy in downtown Canberra in a Sherman tank borrowed from the Australian War Memorial , with the intention of demanding a stop to the hacking of parliament and a return of the dirt files, especially the embarrassing Tory photographs .
Argus Tuft further stunned the nation when he claimed that if the Chinese did not immediately comply with his demand , Pyne , known as the man with a thousand changeable Adelaide pie floater faces , one oriental , above, would slip into reverse and crush the media pack.
Later, like Bond, he would be parachuted into China posing as a visiting chopstick and fortune cookie salesman , even a Liberal Party candidate blown off course , with instructions to undermine the Communist Party . This would be achieved by distributing pamphlets saying that Australia , which is failing to protect one of the world's natural wonders, the Great Barrier Reef , will destroy the Great Wall of China in retaliation for hacking Canberra.
When the Chinese Secret Police start to close in on Pyne, he will quickly adopt the appearance of a puffer fish . There is a certain amount of danger in this guise as some Chinese love eating puffers, even if there is a chance of dying .
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| Yummy Christopher |
Later, like Bond, he would be parachuted into China posing as a visiting chopstick and fortune cookie salesman , even a Liberal Party candidate blown off course , with instructions to undermine the Communist Party . This would be achieved by distributing pamphlets saying that Australia , which is failing to protect one of the world's natural wonders, the Great Barrier Reef , will destroy the Great Wall of China in retaliation for hacking Canberra.
When the Chinese Secret Police start to close in on Pyne, he will quickly adopt the appearance of a puffer fish . There is a certain amount of danger in this guise as some Chinese love eating puffers, even if there is a chance of dying .
Not many people know that Christopher plays the part of the green Kraken monster in Mad as Hell in which he jumps out of cupboards and regularly upsets a top Australian naval officer .
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Over acting Kraken (Pyne) tap dancing.
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Australia's last dire action against the Chinese will be to unleash Pyne in his slimy Kraken outfit during secret meetings of top ranking Chinese naval admirals as they draw up more plans to fill in the entire South China Sea .
After scaring the bejesus out of the Chinese Navy , The Fixer will return home in a decorated bumboat , a national hero and take on the appearance of Freddo Frog-Mission Accomplished to loud cheers from the chamber .
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Rubber faced Pyne available for leading part in 1934 movie Chu Chin Chow .
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