LONDON : In a shock announcement , Buckingham Palace today confirmed that Gypsy Rose Lee will not perform the dance of the seven veils on Magnetic Island. An anonymous palace spokeswoman, wearing the Coronation Crown , out walking a fat Corgi , angrily told Little Darwin's Royal Roundsman , Ned Forelock , the Townsville City Council and Townsville Enterprise had unexpectedly withdrawn the invitation for Stripy Gypsy to dance along the walkway near the ferry terminal clad in revealing Welcome to Magnetic Island strips of torn scrim .
Why? Because the long , tattered lengths of scrim, which have hidden the decade old ugly island hole , have mysteriously disappeared and are no longer visible to the many people coming in by ferry . Therefore Ms. Lee would feel naked without any scrim to wrap about her person and perform an exotic dance .
After Forelock reported this scoop to Little Darwin , we asked the S(h)ipping Reporter , the only one in North Australia , to investigate . He paddled to the island and found a puzzling wide open space , above , on Saturday February 10 , devoid of the banners which for months had been flapping, collapsing, tearing , popping eyelets and breaking plastic ties .
The remnant banners had obviously been torn down in a hurry and with force as there were broken plastic ties scatteredd along the walk . In all probability that troublesome Victorian who kept on asking Townsville City Council about the ongoing banner fiasco prompted digital removal . But what happened to the banners, Gypsy's proposed skimpy, tropical clobber ?
With powerful X-ray vision when it comes to nautical matters and stripteasers , the wharf roaming carrot munching S(h)ipping Reporter promptly discovered the answer... just around the corner, below , a great bundle of twisted scrim, out of the sight of passengers on incoming ferries . An obvious quick, inelegant fix , like Brer Rabbit thrown into the briar patch .
Buckingham Palace was annoyed when brought up to date with the island situation by the helpful and very loyal S(h)ipping Reporter and said there was no way that Gypsy Rose Lee could alter her arrangements and come to the island as she had been booked to dance in the White House Rose Garden at Donald Trump's pending Impeachment Party , which could take place soon . The palace spokeswoman , being treated for rabies, said the White House party would be a real hoot , like the one staged by Tony Abbott when he was voted out as Australian PM by his own cobbers.