LONDON : It has just been confirmed that athletic Gypsy Rose Lee will perform in Townsville and on Magnetic Island during the Commonwealth Games in April. In an exclusive interview , Stripsy Gypsy said she is excited about getting her gear off Down Under , especially on the island , which has an international record for strip teasing tourists with see through scrim signs . Unfortunately , Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall , was not available to accompany Ms. Lee to North Queensland to apologise for Prince Harry's cardboard cut out being too busy to visit the Queen City of the North .
Suffering from periodic bouts of gout, but still flexible, thanks be to horse liniment and Tiger Balm, Gypsy revealed that the Townsville City Council and Townsville Enterprise have arranged a tickertape parade through the city after she arrives at the airport .
On Magnetic Island she will drape herself in the above tattered and torn remains of the Welcome to Magnetic Island scrim and strip for the gawking oncoming ferry passengers eager to catch their first glimpse of Townsville's Jewel in the Crown .
Maritime Safety Queensland has firmly instructed Sealink to warn passengers, especially German and Irish backpackers, not to rush to one side of a vessel as it enters the steamy safe harbour to see Gypsy seductively cavorting about like one of the Rhineland sirens , luring seafarers to doom.
Meanwhile , there are strong rumours that a Melbourne troublemaker , probably a latte drinker , who lives in the electorate of Batman , subject of a by-election, is trying to sabotage the island's strip show . On a visit to the island he was shocked to see the scrim being shredded and sent emails off to various authorities, including the Townsville City Council alerting them to the situation .
Nothing happened, the local media , as usual , out to a long lunch . Astounded that such a situation could exist for months , he fired off another email and received a reply and a reference number , stating he would be provided a reply within -20 WORKING DAYS !!!
Ah Townsville , beautiful one day-slumbering like Sleeping Beauty most of the remainder of the year , even longer in a Leap Year , the populace repeatedly subjected to the same old media spin drier treatment .
