Exclusive photograph leaked to Little Darwin showing PM, in obvious
agony, in The Lodge infirmary , being
prepared by a
rough - handed ex- Army triage nurse before
receiving secret , painful treatment
for his embarrassing
condition .
All
fair minded Australians - meeting in a telephone booth- were saddened
today when it was revealed that our beloved , free-wheeling Prime Minister , Tony Abbott , is suffering from a
terrible new ailment which strikes at the nether regions
of longtime bicycle
riders who wear tight lycra imitation Tour de France racing pants.
His
painful condition became obvious when many people remarked that the PM walks like a ruptured
Patagonian Trotting Duck and sits awkwardly
like former US President George Dubya
Bush. On his recent
visit to Indonesia , the PM attracted
attention walking like a
gammy-legged Texan gunfighter
when inspecting the Guard of Honour .
Bush’s odd
gait and spread-eagled
legs when sitting in front of cameras was due to the fact that
when he was a tearaway young man he climbed a giant
cactus during a drunken
night in the Alamo.
The cactus has
spines so sharp they
are used as sewing needles
by the Indians . As a result , he
never forgot the
Alamo and that painful
night . He was so
embarrassed that he did
not tell his family and did not
consult a doctor or a friend with
a pair of pliers.
His
unsuspecting parents thought
he was growing
up into a typical cowpuncher who would one
day fall offa his Pinto and become a
born
agin Christian .
He
hobbled about for
decades with spikes embedded in his
made- in- America ass and
groin
until his daddy
was made the head of the CIA .
Then he revealed his painful secret
to a top CIA
spook who had been in the Cuban
Bay of Pigs Invasion
and asked him to do his
patriotic duty and remove
the painful prongs.
The
hardened CIA
man reportedly collapsed
with shock when Bush dropped his tweeds , bent over
and pointed at the huge , red
target
area. As a reward , the twitching CIA veteran
was awarded four Purple Hearts and sworn to secrecy.
Now
it seems our leader is suffering something similar in his vital areas , but it is due to
good clean living and no silly stunts in his university days ...
riding bikes along potholed Australian highways . This is why Mr Abbott
is keen to become known as the infrastructure PM - the man
who fills in all the craters along the nation's main highways for cyclists
pre-disposed to haemorrhoids
.
An
Irish
doctor , a refugee from Queensland
Health , discovered that bicycle riders in Australia are suffering an outbreak
of this new mystery disease , known as the Gnarled Crotch Syndrome leading to unsightly perished and inflamed inner tubes. Unfortunately , it seems the Mad Monk has got
a bad
dose of the highly infectious disease.
The
doctor ,
dressed in a Mars
space suit , using a
pair of long handled tongs , kindly
handed over this
horrifying photograph of a close up snap from
under the budgie smugglers of a prominent politician . The trembling medico refused to confirm or deny that the owner of the smugglers was Mr Abbott . He said the grotesque
gnarl like growth, if not given urgent treatment and
bombarded with radioactivr bound-in
volumes of Hansard , could turn the
sufferer into a monstrous
blob , which ends up a tree climbing , lumpy Koala look alike from a science fiction horror movie , see below.
Already that
disrespectful Australian
Financial Review cartoonist , David Rowe , tipped soon to
be towed
towards Antarctica by a
nuclear powered aircraft carrier under Operation Sovereign Borders ,
has started to make
fun about the PM’s unfortunate condition , showing the nasty looking , highly infectious Gnarled
Crotch Syndrome taking over his
body like a bonfire of the vanities .
Bow
–legged PM this morning , above , insisting
he will shake the hand of every
voter in WA before
the Senate
election . Ill at ease
Federal Health Minister , Peter Dutton , later gave Mr Abbott
a tasty bunch of gumleaves and a latte, consumed standing up , while admiring a nearby indian rubber plant .
