Exclusive breaking WIN ( wind ) news
The ABC is being blamed for an outrageous revenge attack on Sky which has resulted in many prominent television identities being rushed to hospital where they are undergoing endless stomach pumps.
Police say crates of fake champagne were delivered to Sky from a supposed anonymous well wisher , now believed to be the evil lefty ABC Joe Stalin Dirty Tricks Department . Science Show presenter Robin Williams is believed to have been involved in the plot , according to a police tip.
These magnums were filled with an evil concoction of quack ingredients , including hydroxychloroquine , consumed in large quantities by Sky and Fox News hero Donald Trump, plus castor oil , licorice and senna pods .The resulting explosions were described as never ending Montezuma's Curse in 3D with 1812 Overture sound effects .
Some of the ghastly looking Sky after dark team shown above in intensive care due to the heartless party outrage. Other Sky members believed to have fallen victim to the malicious attack are whisky drinker Andrew Bolt and offsider Rowan Dean (pictured below) who have the lucrative South Pacific franchise for strawberry flavoured hydroxychloroquine , thanks to the influence of stayput Count Donald Trump, soon to be removed by the Marines .
From his bedside , rolling about like a belly dancer in a wild Darwin Brer Rabbit briar patch , obviously delirious , Bolt got a friendly rushed off her feet Swedish nurse , Greta Thunberg, on bedpan duty, to post a baffling message for him saying he did not passionately endorse hydroxychloroquine like Randy Rainbow ???.
One of our Melbourne spies says Bolt intends to recuperate on the Mornington Peninsula in a padded studio supplied by a rich Dutch uncle where he will receive daily get well cards from his renowned ABC mauling amigo Gerard Henderson, cruelly given the boot from the top rating ABC political television show, INSIDERS .
It is not known if Gerard was at the fateful Sky Chrissy party that was blown up by Aunty ABC. It is seriously hoped he was . There are unconfirmed reports that he is in the painful grip of Santamaria Gripe , an ailment from the Dark Ages . He and Bolt are shown below outraged that an ABC in depth report revealed the bleeding obvious that Donald Trump is as mad as a meataxe, a threat to his own country and the rest of the woild (American accent ).
In a secret briefing, a senior police officer said he was not surprised that the ABC sabotaged the Sky/Fox News/News Corp Xmas party . The Murdoch media stable , he said , had been relentlessly and obsessively attacking the ABC , with the help of ScoMo and his scoundrels .
In a late development , an ambulance has rushed to ABC headquarters at Ultimo where Ita Buttrose is reported to have popped her cork, laughing so much about the devastating Mickey Finn raid on the Sky mugwumps that her corsets also popped in the process !!!
(This fair and balanced scoop supplied by the Kings Cross Whisper Non-Fake News Service .)
