Medical authorities throughout the nation are bracing themselves for an outbreak of men suffering from wearing bogus , cut price bamboo underwear.
Wearing DIY jocks made from bamboo is dangerous and painful , according to a Grace Brothers floorwalker in the gents department . He cited the Canberra case of a man (pictured),a frequent babbler and traveller , who became feverish and developed a painful rash ,forcing him into quarantine , after he foolishly wore home - made bamboo boxer shorts , a gift from a secret admirer in the black coal industry .Soon after, the chafing caused by bamboo sticks rubbing together caused his pants to catch fire.
Ever since the extensive advertising campaign about the advantage of wearing bionic bamboo undergarments flooded television, Australia has been gripped by a massive outbreak of squeaky voiced backyard underwear makers.
The booming bogus bamboo underwear cottage industry is tipped to make more money this month than Australia's wine, barley , chopsticks and imitation spring rolls exports to China .
In the rush to cash in , numerous large clumps of prize bamboo in botanical gardens have disappeared overnight , a lot seen being furtively moved into men's sheds under the cover of darkness, the roar of angle grinders and buzz saws heard , disturbing nearby neighbours for months. During this frenzied activity, doctors warn bamboo shoots slip under fingernails , into various parts of the body and grow rapidly. producing what has been branded down the ages as Chinese, Japanese and Vietnamese bamboo torture. .
An armed guard is expected to be placed on the above cathedral like clump of bamboo near Townsville which could be turned into a mountain of dodgy underwear in time for the Cricket Boxing Day sales .
