A NEW NORMAL (?) AUSTRALIA

 A  golden opportunity to present  a proud  new  fly- blown  image to the world after the lockdown .

To lift the spirit of the nation after all this year's dramas  and trials, including being  thumped again  by the Kiwi All Blacks  and currently being thrashed by India in  the cricket Test, we have resurrected this Peter  Burleigh    vision  for   a  brave new   Oz , a  happy  republic , girt  by  barriers . 

All  that is  required, he says, is that we first  change  the  Pommie and  convict   influence in  the  names of  the states and territories that make up  this   great  sun  and   bushfire ravaged  country .

A sensitive  soul, Burleigh  is an architect, cartoonist,illustrator , advertising guru , renowned Australian diplomat   and   a  past contributor  to  this  blog  , his  Bulldust  Diary , about a  fishing and  drinking  safari across  the  top of  Australia , a  classic .  

He clearly outlines  the courageous way  forward  for  Aussies  to  throw off  the shackles  of  the  past ,especially  2020. 

Before Australia declares itself to be a republic, there’s something more important to do and that is, rename every one of our States. "This may be a pioneering idea but before you conclude I’m a vote short of a quorum I ask you to  think about it," Burleigh wrote .

A credible republic must eliminate monarchist names like Queens Land and Victoria. Even worse are the names the Poms used when they couldn’t think of anything – South Australia, Western Australia and especially The Northern Territory. As poetic as mud. You might as well call those places "Down There", "Over There" and "Up There". If you were trying for colourlessness, and if you could spell it, you couldn’t have picked better names. (I don’t know what to say about Tasmania, although "mania" is a good start.)Canada is an independent Dominion with lots of non-Poms who speak Quebecoise– for example, "le weekend", yet they hang on to names like British Columbia, New Scotland and Northwest Territories. They were nominated for the "Best Blandness" Oscar.

 Even Holland, one of the more uninspired countries as far as names go, has a state named after Limburg cheese, and Austria is named after Australia*, at least the Americans think so. If our country really is young and free, let’s start the bottle spinning with a few suggestions : 

South Australia: Jacob’s Creek (or Tween).

Western Australia: New Broome (or Wazza).

Northern Territory: Norn Terry (or Barraland).

Queens Land: Peanutbutt (or Banananannia).

New South Wales: Nowhere Near Wales

Tasmania: Even Lower Down (or Maniacs).

ACT: Australian Capital Purgatory.

Victoria: Billabong Flats.

You’ll notice my suggestions aren’t flippant. I could have put in Bob Katter or Kerrie Ann. I’ve seen a W.A. numberplate which said "State of Excitement", so don’t suggest names like" State of Denial" or "Grace" or "Hysteria" – we can do better than that.

 Be proud! Call a State a State. Remember we are part of   Asia; maybe we should use Chinese names. You think of some more names while I work on the new State Emblems. The new  RepOz (Republic of Australia) will be grateful. All of us could get knighthoods.*And in Norway, "aust" means "east".