Tuesday, May 7, 2019

COALITION IN THE FAMILY WAY

Australia's  top  political reporter , Argus  Tuft ,  dives into  extensive  top secret     files  to  provide   another  background  article  in  his informative  series   explaining  how  the forces of  darkness  evolved  in  the  current   battleground  election  state  of  Queensland .
It kicks off , before ever changing  goalposts,  with the 1980  above  balanced,   scholarly  document . It reveals   the  strained  relationship  between  the  Liberals  and  the Queensland  Nationals  in  Joh  Bjelke-Petersen's    reign in the state  .Nevertheless, this  brawling  eventually saw  the two parties exchange conjugal  vows  and  become  one  in Queensland- the  current  LNP, a  bellowing, moaning , complaining    bunch , apropos Tony Abbott ,  which  seems to perpetually   have  its  collective tits  caught in  an  old  fashioned   clothes mangle .
 Prime  Minister Malcolm Fraser  and  Joh  at a  black tie / Black-throated  Finch confrontation soiree , where the  Crazy Grazier became exasperated with the premier .  The Napoleonic  complex  is  rampant in  modern   Queensland  as  there are  all  kinds of  fringe  pollies and would be pollies  rushing  about  trumpeting  that  they are/ will be king makers.
 
 One well known jawboner in  the scorched NQ  backblocks regularly  plunges  his  hand  down the front of his  shirt and  claims he  is the 12th most  powerful  man under the Southern Cross .  

 Argus  Tuft   insists  the  following  rare   photograph  is    fleecy lined underwear  knitted by  the  Kingaroy  CWA   for  Joh  to  wear  in chilly Canberra   when  he  became  PM.   Unfortunately, he did not  get to  become  the  nation's  top  banana  . The   jocks  and  a  pair of  Queen Victoria's bloomers will be  auctioned at  Sotheby's , London ,  next month .     


 Tuft then  sexed up  the balanced report  with   current  cartoons, each one featuring  some   wandering , babbling  and  much travelled  Queensland  political  characters . The first , by Financial Review deranged genius , David Rowe , captures  the  very essence of  the   mad, mad  , mad  Coalition .

It  depicts   ScoMo  and  the Deputy PM, alias the  Wagga Wagga  Wrong  Font , as  poll dancers  in   a sleezy  stripjoint , a raving ranga   tuned into Al Jazeera on her smart/stupid  phone , some  plutocrat  with a  bundle of  money who wants to impress   the  dancers , show  them   he  is  a  big  spender.       
 
Another  tasty   cartoon   by  Mark  Knight of the Herald Sun  featured  a whopper serving of  melting  Queensland   parmie   for   ScoMo, without  mushy   strawberries  atop  , when  asked  by  the waitress   for  his   preference  . 
 

Cathy Wilcox of the  Sydney Morning Herald / Age  contributed a ripper of  an  election  drawing  , shown below,   headed  TEAM SCOMO .

 

It shows  ScoMo , running a presidential election campaign , peering through  an observation panel  of a  locked or sealed  door at  those members of the Coalition , including  key  ministers, locked away   from  the public  and media in  what amounts to isolation , even  a  padded cell . His cheery message  to them is to hang on in there until May 18.
 
 One of those  under lock and key is  the man  dubbed  the Member for   Manila . There is a key figure in the Watergate Affair , gagged , so too is  he  who  would be PM , Peter Dutton. The  controversial  Environment  Minister appears to have a  recycled potato sack over her   head .  Finally, from another  old file, Tuft  provided this description of  a  Coalition member. The assumption being that the moisture flowing  from  his  mouth  is  not  from the  Darling   River.