Exclusive report and sensational prediction by respected gonzo journalist Hunter S. Thompson who watched the third presidential debate from atop the Trump Tower while also shooting loathesome bats with a pump action shotgun .
You dudes Down Under are going to see a lot of this bozo Donald Duck after he is nuked by the few remaining sane voters in the US of A . As a result of his latest ham-fisted manhandling of Hillary Clinton he is going to be thrashed in November. I can reveal his secret plan B is to flee to Australia and take up several tax free / dodging propositions .
As soon as I shoot these goddam bats and blame a Fox News outside telecast van for the extensive dents on the hire car convertible , I will produce documentary evidence that will prove Trump has been offered a fortune to appear in Australian advertisements capitalising on his mesmerising snake oil salesman hand gestures .
According to my drinking buddies on The Gruen Transfer , the common erect digit of Trump's is ideal for the Coles prices down , down campaign , except that it will have to be pointed south of the Mexican border . And his frequent circular finger shape, like a malformed sugary doughnut with rabbit ears , could be used in a revival of the Colgate ring of confidence campaign which helped spread the American Dream in Australia .
After filing this report , Mr Thompson was dragged screaming from atop Trump Tower by a heavily armed posse and placed in a fashionable white back to front jacket with unusual leather straps. All the time he was screaming he is a paid up member of the NRA , Disneyland and Wally World . Strangely , he claimed to be an advisor to the gun toting Australian government and demanded to have a telephone consultation with his new mouthpiece, Attorney-General George Brandis .