CANBERRA: In a top secret operation, overworked Australian Federal Police
have uncovered a dastardly plot-similar to that of Guy Fawkes- to
repeatedly "blow up " the House of Representatives .
During the
last parliamentary Laugh In , proceedings were turned
into a
funny farm and Madam Speaker,
Bronwyn Bishop , became grim faced because
of the repeated infectious
laughter , which reached a level of deafening decibels . As
a result , she threw out
a legion of clowns
on her left , suspected of unleashing
nitreous oxide in the chamber
.
The AFP was urgently called in by a man
having difficulties assembling a made- in- China bookshelf
kit during the parliamentary
break to try and find
out what was causing
the repeated
explosive gaseous episodes. Armed with a
Ghost Busters kit , the
squad
soon discovered the surprising
cause of all the merriment ... a whoopee
cushion covered
by a nursing home needlework group ,
with the startled face of
Ms Bishop’s arch enemy , journalist
Bob Ellis , placed on the Speaker’s throne.
Each time she
flopped down after standing
up and warning those
opposite , hysterical members fell
to the floor
guffawing , due to the
whoopee cushion reverberations . At least 20
members were carried out on stretchers , weak and tearful
, some incontinent, due to uncontrollable
laughing .
The AFP suspects a disgruntled, underpaid member of the
House of Reps cleaning staff is responsible for the fiendish
whoopee cushion caper. Madam Speaker
has been told
by the AFP that
she can overcome the
unsettling problem by inserting a
voodee pin into the
Bob Ellis Baillieu tapestry
, which will deflate the cushion , or else arrange to have herself suspended from
a skyhook like the
Fairy Godmother .
In another development , serious minded , esteemed
Courier Mail political
journalist , Dennis Atkins, not
such a rotten speller as
indicated by the above
post , is expected
to be dragged away , hung, drawn and quartered
when the next
Inquisition gets into top gear in Canberra , for making
an unsolicited testimonial about
the Speaker on the
diabolical , leprous , unpatriotic , subversive ABC .
