Friday, April 4, 2014

AUSTRALIAN FEDERAL POLICE CRACK FIENDISH , AERATED PARLIAMENT PLOT


CANBERRA:  In  a  top  secret operation, overworked   Australian Federal  Police  have uncovered  a  dastardly  plot-similar to  that  of  Guy  Fawkes- to  repeatedly "blow up "  the  House  of   Representatives .
During   the  last   parliamentary  Laugh In  , proceedings  were  turned  into a  funny farm  and  Madam  Speaker, Bronwyn    Bishop ,  became   grim  faced  because  of  the  repeated  infectious  laughter , which  reached  a  level   of   deafening   decibels .  As  a  result ,  she  threw  out  a  legion of  clowns  on   her  left , suspected of  unleashing  nitreous oxide  in  the  chamber .

The  AFP  was  urgently  called   in  by  a  man having  difficulties assembling  a  made- in-  China   bookshelf  kit   during  the  parliamentary   break  to  try  and  find  out  what  was  causing   the  repeated   explosive gaseous   episodes.   Armed   with a  Ghost  Busters   kit ,  the  squad  soon discovered   the   surprising   cause  of   all  the  merriment ... a  whoopee  cushion   covered   by   a nursing home    needlework  group  , with   the  startled  face  of     Ms  Bishop’s  arch   enemy ,  journalist  Bob  Ellis ,   placed  on  the  Speaker’s  throne.

Each   time  she   flopped  down  after  standing  up  and  warning   those opposite , hysterical members    fell  to  the  floor  guffawing , due to the  whoopee  cushion  reverberations . At  least 20  members  were  carried  out  on  stretchers , weak  and  tearful  , some incontinent,  due  to  uncontrollable  laughing .
 RUDE  REPORTER  TO  BE  DEFLATED

The   AFP  suspects a disgruntled, underpaid   member of the  House of  Reps cleaning  staff is responsible for  the  fiendish whoopee  cushion   caper.   Madam  Speaker  has  been  told  by  the AFP  that  she can  overcome  the  unsettling  problem  by   inserting a  voodee  pin  into the    Bob Ellis Baillieu  tapestry  , which  will  deflate  the cushion , or  else  arrange to have  herself  suspended   from a  skyhook like  the   Fairy  Godmother . 
In   another development , serious minded   , esteemed  Courier Mail  political  journalist , Dennis Atkins, not  such a rotten  speller  as  indicated  by  the above    post , is  expected  to  be  dragged  away , hung, drawn  and  quartered   when  the  next  Inquisition  gets  into  top gear in Canberra ,   for   making  an unsolicited  testimonial  about  the  Speaker  on  the  diabolical , leprous , unpatriotic , subversive  ABC .