THE VICAR AND HIS ANGEL –Continuing biog of Crusading Editor,”Big Jim” Bowditch.

 

Bowditch , it will  be  revealed , had a most unusual  experience at the Anglican church in  Darwin  . In these   photographs  he  is seen  about  to give away  the  blushing  Kiwi   bride  and  Northern Territory  News  paperboys  he  organised  to  form  an  arch  of  rolled   newspapers   for   the   married  couple. 

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 A  bleary-eyed  individual who claimed to be  an  experienced  photographer  approached Bowditch  for a job  and while  the News  had no capacity to make  pictorial  blocks at the  time , Jim  said he would  keep him in  mind  if there  was an opening in the future.  The  man drifted about town and fronted court in  a  case involving a well known  prostitute who appeared in pornographic snaps taken  by him.  She told the  magistrate   the  nude  photos  had  been taken so that in her dotage  she could   see  what she looked like in younger days.  Showing  her  one  photograph, the  magistrate  asked  if it had been taken for  the day when she could no longer bend over  backwards.

 

 

By Peter Simon

Next to the News building, in Smith Street , on the  harbour side,was the Anglican Christ Church , where the incumbent  was  Reverend Father Arthur  Gwynne-Jones , a pontifical-voiced  Englishman , with  short  legs  but  a  large , long body . Also  known as the  Liquor Vicar and the Shikker  Vicar, he loved food and alcohol in  their devilishly  seductive forms.

He and  Bowditch  had a most unusual relationship .  Bowditch first met the cleric at the Navy’s HMAS  Melville  Chiefs and Petty Officers’ Mess ,  strategically  located just across the road from both the house  of  worship  and  the newspaper , where  both  men adjourned to  bend  the arm. Perched on a stool  and viewed from the back ,  Bowditch said  Gwynne -Jones    resembled two  pears sitting  one  atop the other.  He had a large  body and a  similarly shaped   head , with a peaked crown; his  bulging jowls extended to the almost non-existent neck.  All  up ,he weighed about 18 stone.  At the time he was telling “off colour  jokes” to the  sailors.  In a colourful turn of phrase, Bowditch described  him as a man who preached like a saint,  drank as if the  world was about to run dry and  swore like a saddle sore stockman .

 

The minister was said to have come to  Darwin  from Quorn , South Australia, in  l955  where ,it was suggested by an overweight jockey, he had been known by the  nickname ,“Hector the  Rector”, a  thirsty chap . In Darwin  he  soon established  a reputation as a legendary imbiber. Barmaids used to refuse him service when deep in his cups and he would bellow at them , his face crimson ,  “I am the vicar!-apparently  expecting them to be overcome by awe. Seasoned Darwin  barmaids  could handle any situation, and firmly told him to go home.

The  vicar also  frequented the  Darwin Club  where, on becoming tired and emotional, he imposed  on  some poor member of his flock  to  drive  him home. One of  the non-church attending  adherents  turned  into a  reluctant  good samaritan  by the vicar was Les Penhall, who had been in Alice Springs during Bowditch’s time .  When the  vicar  slumped  down into Penhall’s  Morris  Minor , the springs sagged and it took on a lean .

 
ODD COUPLE SQUASHED TOGETHER

A Darwin Protestant church leader used to often refer to  the new  Church of England head in  Bowditch’s presence as the “ clerical error”. Bowditch claimed  authorship of the title  “ Shikker Vicar ”.  The vicar used to  invite  Bowditch to the vicarage  for a  drink and a chat ; his refrigerator  was  well stocked on such occasions.  While he had catholic tastes when it came to  liquor , gin proved to be more than mothers’ curse  - it got   the vicar into  much  trouble .  At social functions  the vicar   instructed  waiters  to supply him with  three  parts gin and  one of   squash.  The  waiters would present him with a glass,  say, “ Your squash, vicar .”

Demon squash resulted in a most embarrassing  situation .  Bowditch drove the vicar, who was in full regalia ,  to  the official  blessing  and party  to mark  the  opening of the  swimming pool at the  Rum  Jungle  uranium mine  community centre   at    Batchelor. 

Somehow, the  ebullient  vicar , who had been drinking many squash , fell  into  the pool, with a great splash.  Like a giant wet walrus , he was  dragged from the pool,  laughed about his swan dive , apologised to ladies whose dresses  had  been drenched by the tidal wave , and  called for another  squash.

When  people at the  party heard that  Bowditch and the  vicar had come down together  from  Darwin  they cracked jokes  about the odd  couple.   Gwynne - Jones responded  by saying   Bowditch had  been good company, and had  behaved like a  “ little angel ”. Outraged  members of his flock petitioned   church authorities  to  transfer him  elsewhere.

VICAR  RAILS AGAINST LITTLE  ANGEL

The  cleric  regularly walked  by the News office  and often  called out  to or had a  chat with  Jim through the louvres.  When he ordered some job printing  , the relationship  turned nasty .  Because the  print job was not regarded as  urgent  and  it was a major  task just  getting the newspaper out, it was put aside.  The vicar  would frequently drop in and  ask for his printing.  Time and time again, he was told  that it was just about ready. Annoyed,one day he came into the office and  began to abuse the girl at the counter. Bowditch  threw the vicar, swearing, out of the  office.

 

The man of the  crumpled  cloth  then wrote a letter  of complaint  down south  to  the directors  and  said the News  was a nest of  communists.   This claim was probably due to the fact  that one of the staff  in the  factory, in  which it was  torrid to work, said the  place was like  a  Siberian   prison camp , and  draped a red flag on a stick out the window, which nobody bothered to remove.   Another  possible    cause of  concern  for Sydney would have   been the  member of  staff  who annoyed  Bowditch by  cutting  out hammers  and sickles and Nazi  swastikas , all in red, and pasting them to the wall.  When  they  were  removed  under instructions  by  Bowditch, the man  would set  to  and  cut out replacements . 

 

The vicar also  complained that parties  in the News staff quarters  on the verandah facing the church,  even though there was  a vacant allotment in  between ,  disrupted his  Sunday morning services . In answer to a complaint , police went  to  one party  at the News on a Sunday and ended up having a drink with the boys.   

 

At the church  , an  elderly lady played the  harmonium ,  a keyboard instrument  in  which  notes are  produced by  air blown through reeds.  To  supply the wind  she had to  pump  furiously with her feet . Amused  members of the flock  said  it seemed there was a race  between  the  hard working  organist and   the vicar to  come  to the end of a hymn . At the end of  each hymn ,  she would wipe the sweat from her brow.

Because of  his odd  body shape, the vicar had  difficulty keeping his pants up . One day  he narrowly  escaped  dropping his  trews  in front of the  congregation  as he shuffled  from  the aisle to the preaching desk.  During  one  evensong, he  became   annoyed   by  the loud  bingo call from  the nearby Chiefs and Petty Officers’ Mess , so he lifted up his skirts , ran down the aisle to the front of the  church and  bellowed  at the Navy establishment to cut the  noise.    

MAN TO MAN TALK  

A woman who used to clean the vicarage  was   often paid with the shrapnel from the  church  collection plate.  An exceedingly erratic  driver, the vicar was involved in an accident at the Botanical Gardens , but it  was  hushed up. 

On receipt  of a strange  telephone call asking him to come and  see him , Bowditch went to the  vicarage . When he arrived  the hospitable vicar  turned on  some drinks.  It became evident that  the cleric was leading up to  something. Finally, the  startling  reason for the  invite was revealed.  He told Jim  that he had  a  personal  problem , and seeing that  he , Bowditch, was a man of the world , he  might be able to help him. 

Much to Jim’s surprise , the vicar then  took out  his penis and pointed to  what  looked  like  several  sores.  Did Bowditch have any idea what it might be ?  In typical Bowditch  fashion, Jim laughed and said : “ You  dirty old bugger -you’ve got the pox, vicar ! ” This had momentarily stunned him , but Bowditch  quickly  added that he was only joking , that it was  obviously a growth .  He advised him to see a  doctor.  Bowditch said  he had been  surprised  to  think that Gwynne- Jones had been  so embarrassed  he had not  consulted a doctor.  The vicar  took Jim’s  advice, saw a doctor and reported back, possibly  not through the louvres,   that  it had been a fungal growth  due to his sweaty crotch.
 

Bowditch had a long association  with the  Anglican   church warden , Peter Spillett , a civic minded public servant who was  a member of  the first Darwin Town Council , elected  in  l957  with dire  predictions that it would  collapse.   Spillett   said  Bowditch and reporter  Jim Kelly   had  given the council   good and fair coverage in the paper and helped it to survive . The newspaper  treatment  had  raised the image of the council  in the public’s eye and  “ kept  it honest ”. By l959  Darwin was declared a city without a  town hall, no workforce , no  money .  Despite all the problems , the council built an Olympic swimming pool open to  all races.

 

VICAR SACKED, BECOMES PEN PUSHER

As  the  warden of Christ Church, Spillett had the painful task of  writing to  church authorities to  have  the vicar  removed.  When the  church  refused to extend  the minister’s  incumbency, he  left and got a job as a clerk  at the Works  and Housing   Department, living in  a hostel.  A joke spread  around town  that  it was  hoped he would not  make a clerical  error in his new job.

 

He and Bowditch clashed in competitive  fashion in the impromptu speech section at the  North Australian Eisteddfod . The  subject  was a  room of  your own .    The ex-vicar, with a  booming voice  which sounded like  Prime Minister  Menzies, won.   When Gwynne-Jones decided to quit Darwin and return home to England  a  series of farewell parties  were held for him  in  various hotels. 

 

At one in the Victoria, he had his photograph taken several  times  by this writer using a  camera which  used  one shot flash bulbs . He took two of the spent  bulbs and   held them up to his ears, saying they would make wonderful earrings for widgies .  At another farewell in the Hot and Cold  bar at  the Hotel Darwin  some members  of the legal profession, including Dick Ward ,  “Tiger ” Lyons and George Dickinson , drank to his bright  future.

 

During the drinking session he was  asked  what he  would  do  back in cold  England after so long in  Australia  .   He replied that he  would  be staying with his  sister and brother-in-law who had a  centrally heated house  .  

Slapping his forehead, he said : “God, I hope the brother-in-law drinks !” He told the jovial gathering that when he boarded the plane to leave  Darwin he  expected a Scottish piper would play the Lament.  After his departure ,  word came back  that the vicar had moved on to Spain and was  teaching the sons of  the  rich   how to speak English.  It tickled Jim’s sense of the absurd  to think that  there  were  Spaniards   being taught to speak like   Bob Menzies. Bottoms up, no doubt,would have  been  an important  English  expression  he taught his students  early in the piece.  His  invaluable  recipe for squash could also  have been passed on to the Spaniards .

On one memorable occasion Bowditch took part in a  church  group’s  debating  night and livened up  the evening  by  saying that to some people sex and grog   were as  important, if not more so, than  religion.  The audience gave him an “ appreciative  clap ” for his  entertaining, if unusual ,  speech .   Debating , he felt, should  be a  regular part of all schooling  as it helped people to marshal facts, present cases and be  confident. NEXT : Oyster King donged  by Fong !