Australia is certain to win several gold medals in two highly competitive international sporting events - stuffing as many people as possible into a telephone booth and a Volkswagen .
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The Australian secret is to use small grandmothers , above , locked up in aged care homes , who are midgets because they are not fed nourishing tucker , as revealed in the Royal Commission .
The grannies are only too happy to escape the confines of the homes and be stuffed into a grotty telephone box and or a cramped Vee Dub. Especially if they are given the smell of an oily rag in a doggie bag as a late night reward.
The exciting events , expected to be more popular than the Tour de France , will be broadcast live on the ABC , with Shaun Micallef and the Kraken acting as zambucks.
Organisers of the Australian attempt on the records are deeply concerned that their victory plan will be ruined by Maggie Beer organising proper, regular meals for grannies , such as pickled pheasant , caviar , truffles , Barossa burgers , even allowing them to come back for seconds !
