CANBERRA : Unicorn farmers throughout the nation are furious with Morrison Government minister Matt Canavan (National Party ) for denying the farts of the cuddly animals to be used in the production of base load electricity.
Argus Tuft Scoop
In a cruel , dismissive , typical statement , Senator Canavan said neither solar panels , wind turbines , fairy dust nor unicorn farts would electrify the nation and help turn the lights on in Europe after Brexit.
 |
Nil gaseous unicorns , but free Italian gelati for voters.
|
Unicorn ranchers condemned the minister's comment , saying it was a pointless remark which has upset the patriotic critters , their numbers in Australia now almost rivalling that of canetoads and boofheads in North Queensland LNP paddocks .
The angry unicorn owners , accompanied by 100,000 of their animals , will picket Canavan's Rockhampton coal lined electorate office and demand that he reconsider using their farts . If not , they plan to blow him out of office at the election .
A spokesman for the disgruntled unicorn farmers , Fred Hornblower , said the group has received reliable information that there is a government conspiracy to set up a chain of subsidised power stations running on rocking horse shit , pulverised clean coal and Coalition bulldust, deceptively claiming it to be the latest fuel in rocket science .
This seemingly implausible conspiracy belief , Hornblower explained , is based on the fact that the man known as The Fixer in the Morrison Government , Christopher Pyne , was recently spotted with a bucket and spade under the giant Gumeracha Rocking Horse tourist attraction in South Australia . "Pyne is not retiring from politics, " declared Hornblower. "He's got a lucrative contract to shovel rocking horse droppings until he is 80."
Meanwhile, the first shipment of 50,000 dehorned unicorns from Townsville to China aboard the rusty looking Ocean Ute has gone unnoticed by the local media which is allergic to the waterfront . However, our Shipping Reporter , the only one north of Sans Souci , managed to snap the Welland vessel before it departed .
