Political pundit , Mungo MacCallum , revealed his green digit when he told a Darwin audience that democracy is a delicate flower
The floral fragility of the Australian nation is evident in the North Queensland seat of Herbert , centred on Townsville, which takes in Magnetic and Palm Islands . Its outcome could decide which side captures the Treasury benches and who will be the next PM. Actually, there are six North Queensland seats which could fall either way which have a record all going from one side to the other in a bloc .
As the fateful election date draws nigh , there is much nervous twitching in both major parties in Herbert . The battle could end in a dramatic scene out of Moby Dick , a candidate dragged to political death full fathom five by a pod of frolicking humpback whales. An extraordinary cavalcade of people including the Penis Puppets , Molly Meldrum and Berlin Wall Bob could influence the vote in the electorate hothouse. In addition, the Cowboys have had a rotten season, fans are depressed and would like to give somebody the boot , except most of them wear thongs and,like rampant noxious weeds, will express their frustrations by voting all over the political garden,not as one coordinated pack of overwhelming forwards.
Much to the delight of many, whales recently started to appear in Townsville’s Cleveland Bay, especially around Magnetic Island . While the Greens have agreed to swap preferences with Labor in most electorates , one of those exceptions is Herbert, which seems to indicate a certain attitude to the ALP candidate, Tony Mooney , a former Labor mayor of Townsville. In office, he locked horns with environmentalists and activists wanting to stop development of certain projects on Magnetic Island , including beautiful Radical Bay , said to be a birthing place for whales.
Over the years Mayor Mooney clashed with a strong group of concerned conservationists and environmentalists on the island , all of whom have long memories. One dispute resulted in legal action which forced the closure of an island newspaper . When another newspaper sprang up , the council refused to respond to questions it posed ,the subject of representation by the Magnetic Island Labor branch which said the council stance was not a good look for the party.
Mooney, mayor of Townsville from 1998 to 2008, has a track record of failing to win vital elections outside of civics. Despite being strongly tipped to win the 1996 Mundingburra by-election , in part due to ALP infighting, a large field and the leafy Greens refusing to direct their preferences to Labor, he failed to do so and the Goss government, in which Kevin Rudd was the top mandarin , crashed .
Mooney also failed to win the preselection tussle for the seat of Townsville in a state election and was beaten by Mike Reynolds , a minister and Speaker before his retirement . It is no secret that both men disliked each other.
The forced amalgamation of the ALP dominated Townsville City Council and the Thuringowa City Council in 2008, saw Mooney beaten in the vote for the mayor of the greater burg. Leading up to the election he had been pro the construction of a Chinese smelter on the outskirts of Townsville . However, in a backflip before the election , he seemed to announce on air that he was against the smelter. All but one of the former Townsville City Council ALP members who contested the amalgamation election failed to gain a seat . It was almost like Colonel Custer’s last stand for the ALP.
Depite this , in March this year, the then PM , Kevin Rudd, enthusiastically announced Mooney as the inside runner without a democratic plebiscite , a move which upset some in the local ALP. Indeed , Jenny Hill, the only former Townsville City Council member to be elected to the larger council , was reported as saying some party members had walked away when told that Mooney had got the nod from the national executive. She urged those still in the party to hang in there and fight off the Tories.
Over the years , Mooney has been praised by members of the media as talented, experienced , destined for a prominent place in the Queensland government, even described as a man of the people, yet he has a puzzling track record of failing to bring home the bacon. In a strange episode over the venue for the Townsville Show , a “bomb” was reportedly thrown into Mooney’s driveway, which shows you how seriously they take things in NQ, especialy when it involves fairy floss , Dagwood dogs and Cooktown orchids.
Herbert is notionally a Labor seat with a slender margin of less than one percent due to the retirement of the Liberal incumbent , Peter “Sit Down You Are Rocking the Boat” Lindsay , a name which could be mistaken for a noisy character out of Damon Runyon's Guys and Dolls. So called because whenever he caught the ferry to and from Magnetic Island, Lindsay always stood up talking to somebody so that he was as conspicuous as a barber shop wooden Indian. At the last election, Lindsay withstood a strong ALP challenge, accompanied by fries and much squirting of the sauce bottle, by Townsville’s McDonald’s king , George Colburn . In a weird sound bite earlier this year , Pistol Pete Lindsay was heard predict the price of sausages would skyrocket for some unfathomable reason.
The Liberal National Party candidate this election is portly, rock-a- billy auctioneer , Ewen Jones, renowned for telling corny jokes . Lindsay may have bequeathed him some sausage sizzler rib ticklers.
What about the Penis Puppets ? I hear your say. Well, there is a Family First candidate , an aeronautical engineer, Michael John Punshon. When the outrageous Penis Puppets visited Townsville there was a big demo with placard waving locals deploring this filth . An infrequent publication extolling good clean family virtues said that “Molly “ Meldrum should be flung into the eternal fires of Hell for introducing Australian youth to Countdown .
Another family matter which could swing the Herbert vote to the Tories is the fact that a study carried out in the electorate showed that about 3000 fecund women intend having a child in the near future. Abott’s higher paternity leave entitlements might cause myopic woman, with rose tinted bifocals, to look at him in a more favourable light. Once more the old ALP warring factions are squaring up to each other. There are scores to settle . One grumpy member of the right is known as Berlin Wall Bob, a cute title derived from action he took after falling out with a neighbour. The long arm of the NSW Labor Sussex Street fixers might also extend to Townsville via Brisbane union mates. Little Darwin happens to know that a female candidate in a past election was shocked when she was contacted by a hotshot investigative reporter and quizzed about her relationship with a certain powerbroker.
Some say the Herbert outcome will be another Mundingburra by-election disaster. Others insist PM Gillard saved Mooney’s neck by settling the mining resources tax issue , otherwise he will be a goner, again.
Minus his gall bladder, Kevin Rudd flew into Townsville and went with Mooney to glad hand and press the kidney fat on Palm Island , hoping to win the indigenous vote . After the long running death in custody case and dissatisfaction with the Bligh Government, it is hard to determine the indigenous vote. Is it any wonder that politicians follow a tight script when all about them are allegedly sane members of the community who want to emasculate Penis Puppets, torch Meldrum and his dog, blast the mayor’s driveway , save sausages from becoming astronauts , produce a baby Bananalander or two for Pete/ Julia/Tony and practice voodoo on each other. In this extraordinary hothouse, a cactus would surely wilt .
Herbert is notionally a Labor seat with a slender margin of less than one percent due to the retirement of the Liberal incumbent , Peter “Sit Down You Are Rocking the Boat” Lindsay , a name which could be mistaken for a noisy character out of Damon Runyon's Guys and Dolls. So called because whenever he caught the ferry to and from Magnetic Island, Lindsay always stood up talking to somebody so that he was as conspicuous as a barber shop wooden Indian. At the last election, Lindsay withstood a strong ALP challenge, accompanied by fries and much squirting of the sauce bottle, by Townsville’s McDonald’s king , George Colburn . In a weird sound bite earlier this year , Pistol Pete Lindsay was heard predict the price of sausages would skyrocket for some unfathomable reason.
The Liberal National Party candidate this election is portly, rock-a- billy auctioneer , Ewen Jones, renowned for telling corny jokes . Lindsay may have bequeathed him some sausage sizzler rib ticklers.
What about the Penis Puppets ? I hear your say. Well, there is a Family First candidate , an aeronautical engineer, Michael John Punshon. When the outrageous Penis Puppets visited Townsville there was a big demo with placard waving locals deploring this filth . An infrequent publication extolling good clean family virtues said that “Molly “ Meldrum should be flung into the eternal fires of Hell for introducing Australian youth to Countdown .
Another family matter which could swing the Herbert vote to the Tories is the fact that a study carried out in the electorate showed that about 3000 fecund women intend having a child in the near future. Abott’s higher paternity leave entitlements might cause myopic woman, with rose tinted bifocals, to look at him in a more favourable light. Once more the old ALP warring factions are squaring up to each other. There are scores to settle . One grumpy member of the right is known as Berlin Wall Bob, a cute title derived from action he took after falling out with a neighbour. The long arm of the NSW Labor Sussex Street fixers might also extend to Townsville via Brisbane union mates. Little Darwin happens to know that a female candidate in a past election was shocked when she was contacted by a hotshot investigative reporter and quizzed about her relationship with a certain powerbroker.
Some say the Herbert outcome will be another Mundingburra by-election disaster. Others insist PM Gillard saved Mooney’s neck by settling the mining resources tax issue , otherwise he will be a goner, again.
Minus his gall bladder, Kevin Rudd flew into Townsville and went with Mooney to glad hand and press the kidney fat on Palm Island , hoping to win the indigenous vote . After the long running death in custody case and dissatisfaction with the Bligh Government, it is hard to determine the indigenous vote. Is it any wonder that politicians follow a tight script when all about them are allegedly sane members of the community who want to emasculate Penis Puppets, torch Meldrum and his dog, blast the mayor’s driveway , save sausages from becoming astronauts , produce a baby Bananalander or two for Pete/ Julia/Tony and practice voodoo on each other. In this extraordinary hothouse, a cactus would surely wilt .
