In a desperate bid to make himself more appealing to female voters, the Mad Monk is now campaigning on a bicycle built for two , a prominent Liberal femme in the driving seat. Little Darwin can reveal that Bronwyn Bishop gripped the handle bars for the first time with her cauliflower-eared,so-called "political love child", sired by a cricket reject, bringing up the rear in a cane bassinette .
It is no secret that Brownyn has always wanted to be in control of Australia, so she did a victory dance when asked to steer Tony's tricky tandem with the pink fringe on top. After a full body wax to reduce wind resistance, her bouffant hair jammed into a jet pilot's helmet, Bronnie donned Margaret Thatcher's Falkland Islands War commander -in-chief battle jacket , threw a No. 10 Ingham's turkey drumstick over the Malvern Star, and sallied forth to convince unsuspecting women that Tony is a SNAG .
The first leg finished at a retirement village, where she passed the machine and her "baby" over to the care and guidance of that shining example of Liberal femininity , the garden gnome masher, Julie Bishop. [This Bishop is no relation to Bronwyn Bishop . Strange, don't you think , that Abbott moves in bishopric circles?]
The tandem and Abbott both underwent a quick grease and valve grind before No 2 Bishop took command and made a lighting dash from Adelaide across the Nullarbour Plain to Perth , narrowly avoiding abduction and an embarrasing internal examination by the depraved crew of a marauding UFO heading for the NT.
All the time Tony was pedalling like a dope- crazed Tour de France competitor, sucking on baby rusks to keep up his strength . In the WA capital he was so exhausted by the marathon bike ride that he tottered about in a drunken sailor state , looking like a badly filleted puffer fish, and was presented to gullible and lonely western line dancers as a macho iron ore man.
