Our new , highly paid political columnist, Mungo Season, half -brother of the well known hell raiser and man –about- town , Mango Madness -Season, today reveals that the ruthless federal Coalition is preparing to dump Tony Abbott before the election . With polls showing that the Coalition will be done like a takeaway dinner , there is fear and loathing in the conservative camp.
Overnight faceless men , women and Harold Holt gathered in exclusive clubs and voted to stab Abbott in the gall bladder. Little Darwin understands a ventriloquist's dummy will be the new leader. Andrew Peacock was considered for the job, but he has run out of hair dye.
The dummy sports a monocle , has just undergone a new coat of Nippon paint and is decked out in impressive naval clobber provided by Darwin’s leading vice-regal tailor , Myers. A Tory dummy was selected because he can be easily manipulated by mining company executives , giggling clean coal company heads and other vested interests and monopolies.
Trembling Tory tacticians have been in a funk since secret polling revealed that Tony Abbott’s budgie smugglers frightened away the influential Liberal blue rinse, pearls and cardigan set . Many prominent Liberals looked as if they had been sucking lemons when today's poll results were published.
