Award winning political reporter Argus Tuft ventured out of the refined Canberra Bubble on the rough and tumble of the Queensland election campaign trail . While he is always fair and balanced in his reporting , like Fox News, we had to censor his first shocking snip and paste dispatch because of the unseemly events he witnessed and the secrets he was told . Read on , Macduff:
Looking and sounding increasingly like the Madman of Pennsylvania Avenue, his bellowings making up for all those allegedly struck dumb Australians at the last election , Prime Minister Scott Morrison rode into the Banana State in a tank , above, sans mask , intent on driving over the Labor bastards, advice inherited from a former NSW Liberal premier and brown paper bag recycler.
Tomatoes were thrown and red paint splashed over his car at Queensland University where he was forced to run out of a building and be evacuated in a police paddy wagon .
After that warm welcome ,the PM went spruiking at a recycling plant, where he recycled his Budget speech . Ah , Queensland, beautiful one day- knee deep most times in garbage brought in by convoys of trucks from southern states and buried as landfill.
While Scomo was mouthing showman slogans ad nauseam at the recycling plant , word came through about the bombshell revelations at the ICAC inquiry in Sydney involving the NSW Liberal premier, Gladys Berejiklian and disgraced Liberal politician Daryl Maguire.
Scomo told reporters he and Gladys were good friends .
It seems Ms Berejiklian was as cuddly as those troublesome NSW koalas that caused the National leader in that state to fall out of a tree at Taronga Zoo and be revived by a therapeutic body massage with alcoholic , strawberry flavoured eucalyptus .
Frecklington ,of course, hastily denied this outrageous suggestion, saying she was capable of holding her own mitt. Anyway, there were ample photographs showing she and the PM had only bumped elbows , nothing else .
Nevertheless , despite this safe distancing , she is known to have later vigorously dipped her elbow in creosote to make sure she had not picked up a biblical plague from across the border with NSW worse than having your top paddock full of Egyptian locusts .
Scomo bumped elbows left right and centre in Townsville while closely supporting she who is known as The Freckle, for short , especially by members of her own party , who are on record as saying she does not cut the mustard with many of the bib and brace wearing LNP hotdog munching types out there in voter land .
There was even talk of dumping her before the election and electing a failed gabby yokel who got a good run on the after dark television station by a presenter who loves Donald Trump.
A scurrilous suggestion was made by National Party luminary Barnaby Joyce, who said there had been political hanky panky between Scomo's Government and Pauline Hanson's One Nation Party . Barnaby spat chips over Mrs Hanson , a former battered sav chef before entering politics , announcing a $23million federal grant for the 16,000 seat stadium at Rockhampton, Queensland .
In a photo opportunity, she was snapped handing over a giant cheque on which there was a large close up of her kisser . Now there is a call for an investigation into the grant with the claim that it is another sports rort episode , similar to the one pulled by the Coalition before the federal election , which the Coalition won by a miracle . (Wink,Wink. )
Virtually frothing at the mouth , Barnaby colourfully described One Nation as bat poo crazy! There had to be some deal between it and the Coalition for it to allow Hanson make the announcement and hand over the dough, he charged .
UPCOMING : Monkeying around in North Queensland ,the battle for Townsville, early signs of Mango Madness and fibs.
