Saturday, October 31, 2020
GROTESQUE MERMAID TWIST
QUEENSLAND ELECTION DAY TWINS
Early on election day a nesting Curlew showed signs that something was hatching . Soon after , a chick appeared , looking out at the world from the mother's tail feathers .
Vallis photographs . |
Friday, October 30, 2020
DOCTOR STRANGELOVE INVENTION IN QUEENSLAND ELECTION SPRING CLEAN
The above nuclear-powered ingenious top secret Australian robotic device designed to scoop up large mineral samples from distant galaxies will be used to sanitise polling booths after the Queensland election, according to award winning political reporter Argus Tuft . A spokesman for the Queensland Electoral Commission revealed the state is normally knee deep in canetoads but due to all the bullshit spread about during the election campaign, especially by one party , the populace is up to its nostrils in detritus .
Thursday, October 29, 2020
MERMAID SHOCK HORROR
BEWARE THE HORDES OF MARCH,CAESAR !
People visiting Townsville's jewel in the crown -Magnetic Island- for the first time, especially those intending to tramp along the tracks , should be made aware that March Flies are out in force. One resident who has just made a return trip by car to West Point said that he was attacked by at least 40 of the critters when he alighted . Little Darwin understands the male flies like human sweat , causing a stinging sensation as they suck away , and are not deterred by being brushed away .Recent rain is thought to have brought them out in such numbers.
Wednesday, October 28, 2020
NEW LAND OF THE STARS AND GRIPES
Tired and emotional political reporter Argus Tuft files his latest dispatch on the Queensland election which he says resembles the American U.S. presidential election in many ways.
Townsville, centre of three ALP seats ,is a major battleground , the American similarities evident -God help Australia .
A man claiming to be from Jehovah's Witnesses has been ringing around wanting to discuss a number of local issues .
An ant-abortion leaflet has been slipped into letterboxes and there is an anti-ALP newspaper advertisement on the subject.
A veteran journalist , a former editor of the Townsville Bulletin ,discussing his recently published memoir ,mentioned the Ku Klux Klan had been very strong in the region,against Aboriginal land rights,claiming to have influence in high places ,including federal parliament .
In the closing days of the Queensland election , while not wearing white hoods in Question Time in the House of Reps, various ministers have sounded like a noisy lynching party when answering Dorothy Dixers that enable attacks on the Queensland premier and the ALP in general.
The theatrical Katter's Australian Party , strongly funded by recreational shooters , pro-gun lobby groups and arms and ammunition businesses , which sees itself as the "kingmaker"after the election, says it will push for a new state north of Rockhampton.
Surely fake news is the wild claim that Donald Trump will move to this new state when he loses the election , open a golf course , build new hotels.
Babbling Pauline Hanson of One Nation, agin the ABC , was interviewed by the satanic forces of SKY , also out to skin the ABC, at a location said to be the scenic rim . It should become the end of the road for the party , seeing its support has at long last imploded, which will cause problems for A Current Affair and other commercial TV stations who pay so much attention to her .
You cannot help feel you are in the Aussie Everglades when the Townsville Bulletin runs an editorial about them thar alligators threatening local swamp people, following the sighting of ONE in a freshwater weir .
Tuesday, October 27, 2020
BARRAMUNDI BOB
LIES, DAMNED LIES , BULLSHIT ,TWISTED SISTERS AND WELCOME MEXICANS
Ace political reporter Argus Tuft continues his fair and balanced coverage of the Big Banana State election where scary threats and mountains of green and black moolah are being used in a massive concerted campaign to bring down the Annastacia Palaszczuk Government .
ALP Death Tax in person. |
The threat of a 20 percent bogus Labor Death Tax is resurrected from the grave at every election in Queensland, state and federal . This time , however, it is a whopper campaign in which even Mrs Palmer , the deputy leader and a candidate , plays a major part .
Orchestrated social trolls have taken up the latest death tax reincarnation. This caused the ALP to send Clive and his social media backers a rude message from the other side.
The angry ALP says Palmer is lying to Queensland and has organised a petition in which it says Palmer , who recently bought an $80million luxury yacht , is using his billions to bankroll a massive campaign of death tax lies to elect Deb Frecklington and the LNP.
The Freckle denied this; said she had not even met him and had no desire to do so . However, the $300 registration rebate she is promising motorists by Christmas if elected to government will help defray the cost of wear and tear and salwater corrosion on Palmer's Rolls-Royce.
In addition , he has a vehicle collection numbering 150, said to be worth $20million and include a rare zombie van .
Challenged by the media to justify the claim that Queensland is going to bring insuch a mortifying tax , Palmer claimed a public servant had told him that the death tax had been discussed.
It started to sound like a Randy Rainbow choir singing liar, liar, your pants are on fire ! In a Sydney court , where Palmer was charged with breaching the copyright of a song by American heavy metal group, Twisted Sisters for a political jingle
The Twisted Sisters said his version of the song was "awful"and misrepresented the message.
During the hearing , a media report said Palmer was repeatedly accused of lying by claiming he penned the lyrics . He strongly denied he would say anything if he thought it would help his political cause.
Palmer told court he he did not want to pay to use the song because it was not original and a version of the Christmas carol, O Come All Ye Faithful.
In his affidavit ,Palmer was described as someone with a “keen interest in the publication of original poetic works” who “regularly publishes poetic works”.
His legal team argued he did not reproduce a “substantial part” of the song and made “material changes” to the lyrics.The words of Mr Palmer’s song included “Australia ain’t gonna cop it”. Case continuing.
NOW FOR SOMETHING ENTIRELY DIFFERENT IN THIS SING ALONG :
It will be ironic indeed if the AFL grand final between two Victorian teams played at the Gabba in Brisbane , instead of the MCG, Melbourne, because of COVID-19 , helps Annastacia to retain power.
For our overseas readers, Queenslanders have long referred to Victorians rather disparagingly as Mexicans, they being from across the border, its capital often wet, windy and cold . Hence the use of Mexicans in the heading lyrics .
NEXT : The battle for Townsville becomes increasingly like the U.S. presidential election .
Monday, October 26, 2020
GUIDE TO THE FORGOTTEN CITY
For all those Melburnians about to emerge after being locked down for 112 days , so long that they have forgotten the layout of the city , Douglas Stewart Fine Books is kindly offering this illustrated 1934 map for $2500.
The bookshop thanks all friends and customers around the world who supported it during the difficult winter months.It went on to say :
Without you we wouldn’t be here. Every book ordered online has made a difference; every parcel we packed or that was collected from our doorway has reminded us of how much these books reflecting our history and culture are valued by you, and how - during the darkest of days - they can brighten our lives.
We can now welcome our Melbourne customers back to our shop, and look forward to reconnecting with our local community. For our friends farther afield: we are still here for you, shipping rare books and other curious treasures daily to every corner of the globe.
To celebrate the reopening of our beautiful city, we share with you the Wonder Map of Melbourne, designed by O. J. Dale at John Power Studios for our Centenary in 1934. This stunning pictorial map manages to convey something of the vibrant life and culture of Melbourne, the city with its famous laneways, clattering trams and leafy parks and gardens that we call home. If you look closely you might even spot our shop here in Armadale!
Aside from our bookshop, there are fifteen other members of the Australian and New Zealand Association of Antiquarian Booksellers who have been locked down over the past months, as well as countless other small bookshops, art galleries and antique markets. Wherever you might be, we encourage you to reach out to these small businesses and see what wonderful things they have discovered recently. Stay well and keep safe.
Friday, October 23, 2020
QUEEN CITY OF NORTH QUEENSLAND GOES APE , DEVOURED BY REEF SCOURGE !!!
Declaration : Dear Readers , the following report about the Queensland state election campaign from award winning Canberra based political reporter Argus Tuft had to be censored because it included a photograph of a candidate outrageously described by uncouth CFMEU members and political opponents as having a face resembling a monkey's arse!!!
Instead of running the monstrous and offensive mug shot identifying the unfortunate person , we publish the following snap of his swinging rich uncle.
Quail Island ,near Darwin , in the Northern Territory, which figured in Dreamtime legends and was a green turtle breeding ground , used to be bombed by the RAAF and our Allies . However, the great Northern Territory News crusading editor, Jim Bowditch , currently revolving in his grave as is Abraham Lincoln, campaigned strongly against the exercises and they stopped ,soon after a rocket dropped near the airport .
Bombing now takes place on the mainland.
Seems nobody at the Townsville Bulletin ever thought to raise stopping the Rattlesnake Island bombing as an issue for debate , especially in recent times with so much concern about the reef.
Former Queensland premier Joh Bjelke-Petersen , who did not mind if the reef was drilled for oil , laughingly pointed out Australia loved the Great Barrier Reef so much it used it as a bombing range.
Wandering about the waterfront with Little Darwin's limping Shipping Reporter as his guide ,Argus Tuft spotted headquarters of the Great Barrier Reef Marine Park Authority. He thought he would drop in and ask its attitude to the use of Rattlesnake Island as a bombing range as well as many other questions about the state of the reef. There was, however, no sign of life inside the locked door, not one human at any of the many desks. Our Shipping Reporter said this situation had existed for ages...the staff seemingly devoured by crown of thorns, or sucked up for anal examination by aliens on Planet Zog , like so many Americans who vote for Trump . Spooky.
UPCOMING : Irresponsible election laugh-in continues at Townsville Bulletin , part of the under attack , accident- prone Murdoch empire .
Thursday, October 22, 2020
CHAINSAW MASSACRE FAILS TO GRAB MEDIA ATTENTION ; TOWN HOUSE PLAN FOR PONTIFF'S OVERGROWN HIDEAWAY
Days later , more bamboo was being cut down from another nearby clump, when a man arrived on the scene and demanded to know what was going on . He claimed to be in the process of buying the Pope's Land upon which he plans to build town houses. If this be fact, then it will be of great interest to people living near the blessed block.
Some years ago a letter was written to the Catholic Church in Townsville asking them to trim back bamboo that was hanging over the roof of a nearby house. There was no response. In the past there was talk of a retirement village being built on the land , but it did not eventuate.
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Wednesday, October 21, 2020
AUSTRALIAN AMBASSADOR REVEALS ALL , DOWNS CHAMPERS ON NORTHERN TOUR
A multi-skilled ambassador who single-handedly set out on a mission in l969 to educate the ignorant British about the real Australia and its sophisticated descendants of convicts visited the Little Darwin sanatorium. He is Peter Burleigh, above, architect , illustrator ,writer , former advertising agency head who dealt with top companies like Ford.
Burleigh arrived at our den in the above swish limo resembling a German Batmobile, driven by his political and IT- savvy wife , Judy , bearing a bottle of French champers and a large iced cake . As they have spent much time over the years in France travelling up the waterways in their cruiser, dropping off at vineyards along the way, champagne and cake is probably their soup du jour .
Anyway, it helped establish entente cordiale. Burleigh,armed with a magnifying glass, is shown examining Little Darwin's rare bound in run of the l969 fortnightly publication, Broadside , published in Melbourne , attracting a stable of talented writers , artists, giving voice to various political figures.
Broadside's editor was Pete Steedman, a longtime activist whose biography was run in serial form in Little Darwin, one part dealing with Broadside receiving 1200 hits .
Burleigh contributed many illustrations to Broadside during its short , but action packed life ,the last edition pulped by The Age management . One of those illustrations, part of which is run below, was a zany strip about his own departure for London to give the Poms the good oil on Australia . It was headed, Burleigh has gone to the mother country,and skilfully demolished the myths and legends held by the British about Orstralians .
It opens with clean cut Burleigh, indicating he is a loveable Aussie, under the age of 26, wearing a slouch hat , a Department of Defence bedroll on his back, waving a flag , setting off,a sophisticated ambassador to dispel myths about kangaroos and meat pies . Packed away was a food parcel for Prince Charles.
He intended telling the Brits that young people in Australia were encouraged to speak their minds and express opinions- illustrated by a panel in which a hippie type in a protest march wanting to make love not war is monstered by a man in an RSL jacket carrying a placard with a call to BAN THE BUMS (NOT THE BOMB).
Red blooded Aussies on the loose, it seems, even whistled at nuns! Aspirational street beggars were encouraged to limit payable tax , a bit like Kerry Packer.
Australia , a proudly independent nation , armed with a spear , declared it stood alone, was part of Asia, prepared to join a posse , actually flew the American flag.
Barry Humphries had to be regarded as a twisted intellectual, not a salt of the earth Aussie .
The comic strip ended with Burleigh , below, proudly displaying a reference from the Victorian Liberal premier, Henry Bolte.
UPCOMING : More Burleigh, a dash of Steedman, Disney targets and Grey Nomads.
SQUATTER MADE REDUNDANT
A rural reporter once visited Wes and took a snap of him in the squatter's chair .
At a time when he could not be blamed for sitting in a padded rocking chair , Wes is continuing to cull out possessions on his rural property . In the process he recently found an old suitcase filled with interesting items to sort out.
Still hanging in a spare room is his rare collection of protest T-shirts ,many connected with the East Timor struggle. Recently received was an email with newspaper stories connected with East Timor and West Papua , which have been forwarded to interested groups. A large part of his East Timor collection is in a Canadian university .
Tuesday, October 20, 2020
ROADRUNNERS IN GREAT DANGER
Monday, October 19, 2020
TOMATO PUREE , BAT POO, BRICKBATS AND LOVE INS ENCOUNTERED ALONG BRUCE HIGHWAY LEADING TO GARDEN OF EDEN FILLED WITH ROTTING FORBIDDEN FRUIT
Award winning political reporter Argus Tuft ventured out of the refined Canberra Bubble on the rough and tumble of the Queensland election campaign trail . While he is always fair and balanced in his reporting , like Fox News, we had to censor his first shocking snip and paste dispatch because of the unseemly events he witnessed and the secrets he was told . Read on , Macduff:
Looking and sounding increasingly like the Madman of Pennsylvania Avenue, his bellowings making up for all those allegedly struck dumb Australians at the last election , Prime Minister Scott Morrison rode into the Banana State in a tank , above, sans mask , intent on driving over the Labor bastards, advice inherited from a former NSW Liberal premier and brown paper bag recycler.
Tomatoes were thrown and red paint splashed over his car at Queensland University where he was forced to run out of a building and be evacuated in a police paddy wagon .
After that warm welcome ,the PM went spruiking at a recycling plant, where he recycled his Budget speech . Ah , Queensland, beautiful one day- knee deep most times in garbage brought in by convoys of trucks from southern states and buried as landfill.
While Scomo was mouthing showman slogans ad nauseam at the recycling plant , word came through about the bombshell revelations at the ICAC inquiry in Sydney involving the NSW Liberal premier, Gladys Berejiklian and disgraced Liberal politician Daryl Maguire.
Scomo told reporters he and Gladys were good friends .
It seems Ms Berejiklian was as cuddly as those troublesome NSW koalas that caused the National leader in that state to fall out of a tree at Taronga Zoo and be revived by a therapeutic body massage with alcoholic , strawberry flavoured eucalyptus .
Frecklington ,of course, hastily denied this outrageous suggestion, saying she was capable of holding her own mitt. Anyway, there were ample photographs showing she and the PM had only bumped elbows , nothing else .
Nevertheless , despite this safe distancing , she is known to have later vigorously dipped her elbow in creosote to make sure she had not picked up a biblical plague from across the border with NSW worse than having your top paddock full of Egyptian locusts .
Scomo bumped elbows left right and centre in Townsville while closely supporting she who is known as The Freckle, for short , especially by members of her own party , who are on record as saying she does not cut the mustard with many of the bib and brace wearing LNP hotdog munching types out there in voter land .
There was even talk of dumping her before the election and electing a failed gabby yokel who got a good run on the after dark television station by a presenter who loves Donald Trump.
A scurrilous suggestion was made by National Party luminary Barnaby Joyce, who said there had been political hanky panky between Scomo's Government and Pauline Hanson's One Nation Party . Barnaby spat chips over Mrs Hanson , a former battered sav chef before entering politics , announcing a $23million federal grant for the 16,000 seat stadium at Rockhampton, Queensland .
In a photo opportunity, she was snapped handing over a giant cheque on which there was a large close up of her kisser . Now there is a call for an investigation into the grant with the claim that it is another sports rort episode , similar to the one pulled by the Coalition before the federal election , which the Coalition won by a miracle . (Wink,Wink. )
Virtually frothing at the mouth , Barnaby colourfully described One Nation as bat poo crazy! There had to be some deal between it and the Coalition for it to allow Hanson make the announcement and hand over the dough, he charged .
UPCOMING : Monkeying around in North Queensland ,the battle for Townsville, early signs of Mango Madness and fibs.
Saturday, October 17, 2020
CAPE YORK FRANGIPANI DISPLAY
Thursday, October 15, 2020
FOUNTAIN OF TRUTH EXPLODES ON QUEENSLAND ELECTION TRAIL
Tuesday, October 13, 2020
GHOST FLEET , SNOOZING MEDIA AND COVID-19 OUTBREAKS ON SHIPS
Back on deck , the hornpipe dancing Shipping Reporter files another scoop.
If there was any real knowledge by local media of what transpires in the Townsville docks , last month's report that there had been an outbreak of 17 cases of COVID-19 aboard the bulk carrier Patricia Oldendorff in Western Australia waters, reporters would have chased up obvious local angles .
See , in giant letters , Oldendorff is often seen in Townsville's Ghost Fleet - see Emma Oldendorff below which slipped in recently , as usual, unnoticed by the scribes .
In the case of the Patricia Oldendorff outbreak ,West Australian authorities were concerned about a two-tier system of quarantining crewmembers in the Philippines before they set out for Australia . Ordinary crewmembers, it seems, quarantined aboard ; officers, on the other hand , were allowed to spend their time home .
Western Australia has called for a tightening of crew restrictions in the Philippines
Now another vessel, the Vega Dream ,an iron ore bulk carrier ,is off WA with COVID -19 in the crew. The International Transport Federation (ITF) said the crew must have brought the virus on board during a crew change in the Philippines earlier this month.
ITF National coordinator Dean Summers has reportedly lambasted the Federal Government saying it needed to step up to help sort out the situation and engage all states and Australia's international neighbours to ensure seafarers entering the country's waters had already isolated.
"It's not up to the State Government to work out what went wrong and deal with the government of the Philippines," he added
In light of this, questions should be asked of the Townsville Port Authority, the Queensland Government and the Feds in the hope that the virus is not shipped into the Queen City of the North and elsewhere due to what appears to be shortcomings in the Philippines.
The Townsville media failed to raise this important issue with PM Scott Morrison when he dropped in for a photo opportunity supporting the LNP election campaign, wearing his cool Hawaiian secret holiday clobber, badmouthing the Queensland government over the border closure...just as the virus is on the rise in New South Wales.