Written by an author identified as " Louis Gaye ", B. A. , printed by the Advocate Press, Melbourne , this guide to humorous speechifying would go over like a lead balloon if followed today. By page nine , outlining hints on public speaking, illustrating want of tact , it tells of an Englishman sitting alongside a Chinaman at a big dinner , not knowing how to strike up a conversation with him . After the soup , the Englishman broke the ice by asking the " Celestial " , "Likee soupee ? "
There was no spoken response, just a scowl . After dinner, the Chinaman made a glorious speech in English . Then , turning to the Englishman , asked : "Likee speechee?" At the end of the 148pp lecture , the author finishes off with an anecdote about " a big , fat nigger " at a long, hot church meeting, the congregation bored stiff by a sermon delivered by a coloured preacher .
Men, the book advises , are more influenced through the head , women via the heart . Flattery could be dangerous , but okay if used skilfully by wrongly describing a woman as a photographed star , a clergyman a military officer . One should never say Mr X is a scavenger- he is a member of the municipal cleansing department.
The outline for a toast to lawyers and judges has some howlers such as shoplifters take silk and have to give it back , barristers who take silk do not give it back. Of course, there are rib tickling tips for a parliamentary dinner :-
It is said politics is a game played with a pack of lies . Yet many critics itch to get into parliament , possibly the reason why some are scratched at the polls . Suggested new sources of revenue can be raised-on suburban snobbery and the parliamentary menu. For example ...Those with a decided fancy for curried favour, pees and queues, stake in the country , should be charged a shilling in the pound . Those with a leaning towards salary chops , out of date pudding , should have their income reduced. Mutton-heads and globetrotters should be charged after the nature of a super tax , whilst those believing in hash and tripe should be summarily reported to their constituents.
The book contains adverts for two Melbourne companies and Robur Tea . Phoenix Biscuit Company , of Abbotsford, which kicked off in the early 20th century, has a full page advert . A quick check of the unusually named biscuit company's history revealed that about 1910 it used as a warehouse premises previously known as the Australian Asbestos Company factory , which might have put you off munching a Phoenix chocolate marshmallow if you knew the health risks of asbestos way back then .
To use a politically incorrect term, the author appears to have been a Pommie , no apparent mention of anything remotely connected to Australia in the text . The lighthearted cover was drawn by WH . Our copy , unearthed in a Townsville Salvation Army shop, bears the trade stamp of Batchelor's, Townsville.
