Following the ratings success of the first episode of the ABC’s AT HOME WITH JULIA , J. Arthur Rank productions is working on another Aussie potboiler called BABBITT IN THE LODGE . It is a handle bars gripping story, a bit like the terrifying Exorcist, about a strange character possessed by an evil demon ,conceived late in life by an unmarried geriatric couple during a trip to Bingo in a nursing home bus.
His poor old mum, thinking she is keeping a daily hair dressing appointment, finds herself , flat on her back , in birthing stirrups, screaming her head off as if in a Federal parliament inquisition , and out pops jug–eared BABBITT, an asbestos- lined caul over his head which protected him from global warming in Hades . The doddering man who mistakenly believes he is the father of the problem child shouts, “ Bingo!”and takes a double dose of the strawberry flavoured aphrodisiac , Nu-Rat, to celebrate the birth.
Her beehive hairdo wrecked during the painful ordeal, his mother immediately claims it is a virgin birth. The wicked media suggests the real father of the child fled to China in a submarine rather than pay alimony. Naturally, Babbitt’s mum is kicked out of the nursing home into the snow with the ugly baby,wrapped in designer label swaddling clothes , because there are strict rules about no animals, no children and no building inspectors allowed on the premises.
A passing , kind journalist , Bob Ellis, a bit tired and emotional from working nonstop on the ABC 24 hour news channel, offers to carry the baby for the sad mother, but drops the infant on his head! The Devil punishes Ellis for dropping his child by burning down his house. Phew! (Time to whip out for a nervous pee during the commercials.)
Because of pressure on the brain and the guidance of Old Nick and assorted trans- national corporations , Babbit grows up with the fixation to father a new nation . He goes through life with the ambition to wear a double-breasted suit like Sir Robert Menzies in the Prime Minister’s residence, The Lodge . The storyline follows the twists and flat tyres Babbitt experiences in his single-minded , pugnacious ambition to become the father of a new South Land .CALL ME DADDY becomes his political slogan as he goes the knuckle on political opponents blocking his way to the prime piece of real estate .
In his fevered dreams, he sees stretch limos of the rich and powerful permanently parked in the driveway at The Lodge , non-union gardeners , their heads bowed, singing Ol’ Man River, his proud mammie ,in a rocking chair , sipping mint juleps, his deluded, wandering pa , last seen in a gravy-stained green and gold track suit, after being maced for the umpteenth time by harassed security guards at Kirribilli House and told he does not live there anymore .
Once Babbitt gets the key to The Lodge,the horror show will switch to 3D production ,and is tipped to scare the pants off the nation’s wage slaves .This part of the plot is shrouded in secrecy-until Little Darwin gets a special briefing from a masked informant only known as Malcolm X .
This spooky ultra sound image of Babbitt in the womb shows him stretched out like a Rex Hunt skinned rabbit, already forming demonic shaped ears and the thighs of a 10-day bicycle rider or a marsupial . Photo by Dr Sinclair Lewis of the Tory Mass Lobotomy Clinic.
This spooky ultra sound image of Babbitt in the womb shows him stretched out like a Rex Hunt skinned rabbit, already forming demonic shaped ears and the thighs of a 10-day bicycle rider or a marsupial . Photo by Dr Sinclair Lewis of the Tory Mass Lobotomy Clinic.
