FISHY RESPONSE TO DARWIN FIND INVOLVES ROLF HARRIS AND A PIXIE

As the result of the Little Darwin post about ABC announcer, peace campaigner, and social historian , the late John Clements ,who produced a long play record ONCE AROUND THE SUN, being West Australian children reciting their own poetry, circa 1970, we received a surprising email from Perth.

The sender , a talented lady who may well write a book about her experiences in Darwin, with fascinating observations about wretched members of the media , said she had been brought up in Bayswater, a suburb next to Bassendean, where Clements had lived on a farm with his family. Until reading Little Darwin, she had never heard of Clements , and she doubted if anybody living in Bassendean today knew about the admirable fellow.

However, she added “everybody” knew entertainer Rolf Harris came from Bassendean .When she was a child , being driven past the Harris house , they would all chant that Rolf Harris lived there. In an unsolicited testimonial, our correspondent said the" best fish and chips shop in the world "–called THE OLD TROUT – is in Bassendean .

With the expert services of Darwin’s ProVideo , Little Darwin had the ONCE AROUND THE SUN LP converted to a disk so that we could listen to the poetry composed and spoken by Australian children nearly 50 years ago. What we heard was indicative of a more innocent time , despite mention of Hitler’s dream (a nightmare ) , and a boy predicted that with shows like Homicide it seemed TV was here to stay, perhaps indicating that the poetry may have been written in the late 1960s. The record , discovered in the Nightcliff Uniting Church Op Shop, made the claim that it was the world’s first recording of poetry written by young people and spoken by secondary and primary students.

NOTE: Rolf's talented Welsh aunt,Rhona Olive Harris, daughter of the chairman of the Royal Arts Society of Cardiff , disliked her first name and on the boat coming over to Australia was called "the Welsh pixie,"so she adopted Pixie. Then a printer’s error in the Sydney Morning Herald gave her name not as Pixie O. Harris , but Pixie O’Harris , and it was maintained . Pixie had a prolific output as an artist, illustrating newspapers, magazines and books, bookplates and sheet music covers. Another outlet was painting children’s hospital wards with fairy tale murals. In 1977 O’Harris was made patron of Sydney’s Royal Alexandra Hospital for Children . She also wrote and illustrated poetry and song books for children.

Not thought to be the work of Pixie O'Harris because she had moved to Sydney in the l920s,these are photos of Ward V for children at Perth Hospital,decorated for Christmas 1934.The ward was festooned with many cobwebs,butterflies,moths and insects. For the Walk into my Parlour, said the Spider to the Fly, there was a very large spider, left,which probably gave the kids nightmares, and Miss Muffet, apparently represented as a nurse, was sitting on her elaborate tuffet. The other snap features the old woman who lived in a shoe with cat silhouettes . These photographs are from the albums of "The Most Bomb Chased Australian Nurse of WW11," Marjorie Congreve,who worked at the hospital. The albums were discovered in an Adelaide antique shop by Peter Simon and will be the subject of further Little Darwin posts.

WIKILEAKS FOUNDER FILM

A top American documentary film director, Alex Gibney, was recently in action on Queensland’s Magnetic Island working on the Julian Assange story for Universal Pictures . There he had extensive dealings with George Hirst, editor of the Magnetic Times online newspaper, which ran the world exclusive story about Assange’s mother when she lived on the island with her young son. Esquire magazine last year described Gibney as becoming the most important documentarian of our time .

Films Gibney directed in the past have included Enron:The Smartest Guys in the Room , nominated for the 2005 Academy Award for Best Documentary Feature ; Taxi to the Dark Side,about an innocent taxi driver in Afghanistan who was tortured and killed at Bagram Air Force base in 2002 , recipient of an Academy Award ; Gonzo: The Life and Work of Dr Hunter S. Thompson (2008); Freakonomics and Casino Jack and the United States of Money ( both 2010); Client 9. Rise and Fall of Elliot Spitzer ,shortlisted for 2011 best doco . Gibney also writes for the influential Huffington Post blog. *** Drawing of Assange by Magnetic Times editor, George Hirst, a former exhibitions officer at the Perc Tucker Gallery, Townsville, increasingly involved in making films with a message. FOOTNOTE : Wikileaks documents released in recent weeks contained US Embassy cables revealing highly critical comments by and about key players in the Timor-Leste regime and apparently went unnoticed by the Darwin media.

SNAPPY PENGUIN IN DARWIN UPROAR

Happy Feet, the celebrity King Penguin, is in more trouble. Little Darwin recently brought readers the world scoop that Happy Feet , missing on his return journey from New Zealand to the Antarctic , had been arrested in Darwin’s nightclub precinct for driving an iceberg under the influence of smelly sardines. Since then, Happy Feet has turned into a mug lair,dressing like a toff. The toast of the town, he is given free drinks wherever he goes and fed choice Thai barra fillets .

As a result , he has become bloated,looks like a member of the federal Shadow Ministry, and becomes aggressively pissed as a Fairy Penguin after only three shandies. He is shown above, shortly before he regurgitated over some Irish packpackers and further infuriated them by saying the All Blacks could beat the Irish footie team in the World Cup if all the Kiwis were blindfolded and mortally wounded by explosive tipped Japanese whale harpoons. A wild riot immediately resulted in Mitchell Street, the Irish did unspeakable things to his top hat and chased him with made- in- China shillelaghs . Police Commissioner McRoberts says he is sick and tired of swim in - swim out troublemakers from the South Pole who upset the peace and quiet of Darwin.

Still able to hold a lump of valuable ambergris - solidified whale vomit- between his feet, bruised trouble maker, Happy Feet, poses for another police mug shot with his battered top hat, festooned with toilet paper, after being attacked by crazed Irish river dancers in the Darwin CBD .

STOP PRESS: MURDOCH DECLARES WAR ON BESTIAL CHASER BRIGADE

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Seeking revenge against the smartarse Chaser team, soon to launch the HAMSTER WHEEL on ABC TV , media magnate Rupert Murdoch has ordered production of a sexed up similar show on a commercial channel , at the same time, to confuse viewers ,split the ratings and crush the f/mockers.

Called HANNAH, THE HOT HAMSTER , it will be compered by a slinky, dancing hamster , seen above posing for publicity shots, with her favourite book-the Kamasutra - that she often curls up with in her luxury London burrow.( A plastic surgeon is soon to remove the rather large black beauty spot on her face which makes Hannah look as if suffering from the mange , a common hamster problem.) Before closure of News of the World , Hannah used to be a regular P3 pin-up girl in the world’s biggest selling paper, much admired by lonely Pommies, especially descendants of Jack-the-Ripper .

In an exclusive Little Darwin interview this morning with Rupert Murdoch in downtown New York, the mogul said he is furious about the way the Chaser used him in a promo for the irksome HAMSTER WHEEL. “My hamster will be bigger and better than their hamster,” he thundered.”I’ll teach those young pups to take the piss out of me .”

Sultry Hannah , he pointed out , had often been a star attraction as a pole dancer at a New York gentlemen's club frequented by high ranking amnesiacs from overseas. If Hannah revealed what went on in that nightspot ,Rupert hinted, domestic fur would fly in many prominent households. Meanwhile, Mrs Murdoch, also furious with the juvenile Chaser mob, has arranged for a squad of graduates from the Police Academy to bombard everybody who attends the launch of the HAMSTER WHEEL with rhubarb and custard pies.

ART NOUVEAU BALLERINA

From a near 100-year- old Adelaide autograph book in the Little Darwin Collection comes this unusual rendition of the great Russian ballet dancer Anna Pavlova after whom the open meringue tart filled with cream and fruit is named,said to have originated in NZ.

HAWAII DUO

From Hawaii comes news that the lively Magnetic Island online newspaper-Magnetic Times - is going to be produced for the next six months while its proprietors are on a study tour soaking up experiences and ideas in America ,especially in film making.

Little Darwin pointed out in the past that the Magnetic Times website is an ideal model for a similar one in Darwin to give the city a different, enlightened kind of news service to what is provided currently by the conventional media .

Magnetic Times recently ran the world exclusive story about Julian Assange’s mother revealing details of the time she lived on the island with her son, which included photos of the Wikileaks founder when he was a youngster. (See www.magnetictimes .com). Editor George Hirst and partner Penn are talented activists , concerned citizens, in recent times into making films with a message . Some of our far-flung readers may have interesting Magnetic Island stories or photos that they could enter in the competition announced by editor Hirst .

UN PEACEKEEPERS ARRIVING

Descending on Darwin for a conference are Australians who have served in UN peace keeping missions around the world . It is an insight into the part played by a small, but influential nation to try and sort out global conflict and help struggling nations to a better future . It is to be hoped that the local media gives these oft neglected heroes the coverage they deserve as they have seen action in many countries and have interesting stories to tell. While this gathering is in progress , the Chief Minister , the Mayor of Darwin, the battalion of armchair generals and freshwater admirals might apologise for the spelling error in the disrespectfully treated Darwin War Memorial, which lists UNITED NATION (sic) PEACEKEEPING when it should be plural, along with other clangers. Before we make political capital claiming that Australia forgot the bombing of Darwin, we should explain to the world how Darwin has allowed gross spelling errors exist for so long , Little Darwin having pointed them out several times in the hope that the embarrassing situation would be rectified. But no. Incidently, Baz Luhrmann's movie, Australia , starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman , in 2008 featured the bombing of Darwin and was said to have had a vast audience which put Darwin on the World Map, according to the Hollywood-hype and local spin . February 19,2012 ( not far off ) is the 70th anniversary of the bombing -it will be a day of shame for Darwin if the errors,including incorrect spelling of two countries, have not been corrected.

LOVESICK POMMIE VICAR IN CLUTCHES OF DESPERATE MAD MONK & SHEEP SHA**ER

Vicar of Dibley in Australia to help Cupid and Coalition .
The Vicar of Dibley is helping Tony Abbott devise a devilish carbon tax. This was revealed when Abbott addressed a business organisation and said there would be " no, no carbon tax " under a Coalition government. Couch potatoes immediately recognised this line as being straight out of the Vicar of Dibley,where Jim Trott, of whom it was said ought to receive the Nobel prize for dithering ,repeatedly said ,"No,no,no,no...yes."

In fact, a major business organisation has said the Coalition’s proposed emission control measures will cost the nation twice what is proposed by the government. In a full frontal interview with the chunky vicar,Geraldine Granger, carried out in a Canberra sauna, she confessed that she had come to Australia to find a dateless and desperate sheep farmer to wed , break her chocolate fast and help the Coalition develop at least one policy before Shrove Tuesday, February 21,2012, which is also International Pancake Day.

The vicar says all of the bloodthirsty members she has met in the Australian Liberal Party broad church are keen to slay Julia Gillard with the jawbone of an ass, which did not seem overly Christian. She added that key players in the Coalition remind her of weird parishioners in Dibley. According to the fun loving minister, eager to get a bit of the holy matrimony action, the Coalition is secretly drawing up one policy of its own which involves the laying on of hands upon the wallets and bumbags of the Australian workforce.

MAIDEN VOYAGE DISASTER

Horrifying details are coming through about a terrible shipwreck at Nauru. Our exclusive photograph shows the SS Australia breaking up on rocks. It seems the tired , emotional and ranting skipper, Captain Baloney Queeg ,was lashed to the wheel when the huge liner struck a reef in the shape of an unexpected poll result. The brand new luxury vessel , built from inferior Chinese steel, popped its rivets and began to sink while on a magical mystery voyage for Canberra’s Third Reich Glee Club.

Brave Captain Queeg deliberately steered the SS Australia towards the island, hoping that the passengers would be rescued by refugees holidaying at Howard’s Hideaway, recently the subject of a Getaway fun travel report. The Glee Club , a seagoing bunch of pirates , willing to sell their whatnots to any bunch of well-heeled privateers, has been exceptionally happy in recent months, convinced that they, like Vikings, will soon invade,sack and burn an unsuspecting lucky country. Early eyewitness accounts of the tragedy paint a picture of absolute panic as women and children were trampled underfoot in the rush to lifeboats and life supporting portfolios .

NEWSFLASH: HAPPY FEET ARRESTED IN WILD DARWIN MELEE

Missing celebrity Emperor Penguin,Happy Feet, was arrested after a disturbance in Darwin’s nightclub precinct last night and charged with driving an iceberg under the influence of overpowering sardine fumes . In an exclusive interview obtained by a Little Darwin reporter, also thrown into the spin dryer for long distance swimming in a nightclub punch bowl, Happy Feet revealed he had deliberately turned off his tracking transmitter .

“Every media reporter in the universe, including Nudes of the World , was trying to hack into my transmitter,” he explained ,” and I had this continual ringing in my ears as I swam along at a depth of 1000 fathoms, trying to get back to the Antarctic from New Zealand .” White Pointer sharks and Killer Whales were attracted to the buzzing of the transmitter , as well as the Territory’s own Mandorah Monster and Japanese whalers. To escape imminent death, he jettisoned the transponder and hitched a ride on a passing iceberg heading for Darwin because of the sudden ice age setting in up north

NATIONAL PARTY SPLIT

Engaged in raucous laughter, National Party mugwumps, above, some wearing Marlboro Country wigs made from environmentally friendly hemp, discuss the outrageous /hilarious ALP assertion that Barnaby Joyce is the progeny of Martians who invaded Earth. The sodbusters also split their britches guffawing at details of Barnaby’s close encounter with that smartarse alien sheila , Germaine Greer, on the ABC’s Q and A . Knowing Germaine has a sharp tongue, capable of reducing a simple Queensland ploughboy to a eunuch, Barnaby made sure that when he was sitting next to Germaine his tie was tightly knotted, his boiler suit zipped up , and his aerials were retracted into his out- of- this- world wig.

DARWIN POEM AT SEPTEMBER 11 MEMORIAL IN NEW YORK

Copies of a moving poem composed by a Darwin resident ,Craig Simon, were placed on display in New York during the recent build up to the 10th anniversary of the attack on America. The poem was written the day after the horrendous event . Entitled SITTING IN MY CHAIR it was written in the style of a victim , killed in one of the Trade Centre towers, conversing with his family, trying to ease their trauma at his loss .

Craig’s brother , Peter, in the NT Fire Service , took copies of the poem to New York and pinned them to the memorial wall at Engine Company 10 ,Ladder Company 10 , Fire House, Liberty Street , just across from Ground Zero,six of its " brothers" killed , the station badly damaged . Google Engine 10 Fire House for further details and pictures .

CONFUCIUS ISSUES URGENT CLARIFICATION FOR NOODLE- HEADED AUSSIES DAZZLED BY EMPEROR PENGUIN

A corner of old China where Confucius is often seen.

The wise and esteemed Chinese gentleman, Confucius, has sent Little Darwin a powerful message from the Celestial Kingdom to clarify that 2011 is the Year of the Rabbit –not the Abbott Annus Horribilis . Confucius , like Elvis, lives, and says he is alarmed at the number of people he hears in Australian Chinese take- away shops saying that Tony Abbott is going to become the emperor this year . Confucius says the pretend emperor hardly wears any clothes and his prickly anus exposed on the beach is like a well sucked salty plum which causes harmless Panda Bears to take fright and fall from their trees, greatly reducing their numbers. This is clearly the Year of the Wabbit!The Wabbit!The Wabbit! he shouted. The Year of the Wodent was at least two years away, hopefully never, he added, curling his mo, and dialling a pizza.

NEW TV HORROR SHOW FOR AUSTRALIA

Following the ratings success of the first episode of the ABC’s AT HOME WITH JULIA , J. Arthur Rank productions is working on another Aussie potboiler called BABBITT IN THE LODGE . It is a handle bars gripping story, a bit like the terrifying Exorcist, about a strange character possessed by an evil demon ,conceived late in life by an unmarried geriatric couple during a trip to Bingo in a nursing home bus.

His poor old mum, thinking she is keeping a daily hair dressing appointment, finds herself , flat on her back , in birthing stirrups, screaming her head off as if in a Federal parliament inquisition , and out pops jug–eared BABBITT, an asbestos- lined caul over his head which protected him from global warming in Hades . The doddering man who mistakenly believes he is the father of the problem child shouts, “ Bingo!”and takes a double dose of the strawberry flavoured aphrodisiac , Nu-Rat, to celebrate the birth.

Her beehive hairdo wrecked during the painful ordeal, his mother immediately claims it is a virgin birth. The wicked media suggests the real father of the child fled to China in a submarine rather than pay alimony. Naturally, Babbitt’s mum is kicked out of the nursing home into the snow with the ugly baby,wrapped in designer label swaddling clothes , because there are strict rules about no animals, no children and no building inspectors allowed on the premises.

A passing , kind journalist , Bob Ellis, a bit tired and emotional from working nonstop on the ABC 24 hour news channel, offers to carry the baby for the sad mother, but drops the infant on his head! The Devil punishes Ellis for dropping his child by burning down his house. Phew! (Time to whip out for a nervous pee during the commercials.)

Because of pressure on the brain and the guidance of Old Nick and assorted trans- national corporations , Babbit grows up with the fixation to father a new nation . He goes through life with the ambition to wear a double-breasted suit like Sir Robert Menzies in the Prime Minister’s residence, The Lodge . The storyline follows the twists and flat tyres Babbitt experiences in his single-minded , pugnacious ambition to become the father of a new South Land .CALL ME DADDY becomes his political slogan as he goes the knuckle on political opponents blocking his way to the prime piece of real estate .

In his fevered dreams, he sees stretch limos of the rich and powerful permanently parked in the driveway at The Lodge , non-union gardeners , their heads bowed, singing Ol’ Man River, his proud mammie ,in a rocking chair , sipping mint juleps, his deluded, wandering pa , last seen in a gravy-stained green and gold track suit, after being maced for the umpteenth time by harassed security guards at Kirribilli House and told he does not live there anymore .

Once Babbitt gets the key to The Lodge,the horror show will switch to 3D production ,and is tipped to scare the pants off the nation’s wage slaves .This part of the plot is shrouded in secrecy-until Little Darwin gets a special briefing from a masked informant only known as Malcolm X .

This spooky ultra sound image of Babbitt in the womb shows him stretched out like a Rex Hunt skinned rabbit, already forming demonic shaped ears and the thighs of a 10-day bicycle rider or a marsupial . Photo by Dr Sinclair Lewis of the Tory Mass Lobotomy Clinic.

CONTROVERSIAL LECTURER FLOGS KNIGHT , ENTERS DRY DOCK

News from Queensland is that longtime Territory activist and keen fisherman, a former senior lecturer in Social Policy, School of Humanities and Human Services, at QUT, Dr John Tomlinson, has sold his boat-White Knight- its hull bearing many campaign stickers going back years, some related to Territory issues. A previous boat he owned in Darwin was called Yellow Peril , and he liked scaring port authorities by announcing over the radio that the vessel with the invasive name was about to enter the harbour. A government social worker here, he was closely associated with another great activist, agronomist Rob Wesley-Smith, now of Howard Springs . The two were deeply involved in setting up the NT Civil Liberties Council and participated in efforts to help East Timor during the Indonesian invasion . Our photo shows Tomlinson on his last fishing trip to Darwin with his smart fishing and safari outfit in the grounds of the Wesley-Smith ranch, in readiness for a raid on the Roper River . John,as they say, has bigger fish to fry, concerning the poor and underprivileged of the world, details of which will be revealed in a later post.

PAUL HENDERSON'S DITTIES : CANTERBURY TALES, #2 . Ongoing Tribute to Earthquake Shattered City of Christchurch

A prized item in the Little Darwin collection of the unusual is a copy of NEW ZEALAND BEST POEMS ,1938, above, a slim volume which once belonged to Helena Ruth Henderson, a Kiwi poet and novelist , who early in life wanted to be the first woman to journey to the Antarctic. Our copy ,with her handwritten inscription , was purchased during a book buying trip to NZ nearly 30 years ago. It includes two of her poems , one RETURNED SOLDIER tells how a pacifist returns home ,“ back from the gates of hell,” who settles into what seems to be normal civilian life, but for the nightmares in which he remembers the good men with German names he killed .

Educated in Christchurch, Helena , born June 12 ,1913, one of six children in a Catholic family , was named after her mother, a prolific writer. Helena’s father staged a fake suicide the night before she , 21, married a non-Catholic in the Christchurch Registrar’s Office , December 4 ,1934. She and her husband, Arnold France, an engineer’s patternmaker, lived on a yacht he had built for several years.

To overcome male prejudice against female writers , she once wrote under the name of PAUL HENDERSON. So if you come across poems by such a person do not wonder if it could be the current NT Chief Minister -unless he has started working on a variation of the old ditty about the boy standing on the burning deck . A prize winning poem in 1949 was later set to music for choir and orchestra .

Her first novel, The Race, written under her own name, was based on a natural disaster – the wild 1951 Wellington to Lyttelton yacht race -in which her husband competed . Twenty yachts set out on what was part of the Canterbury centennial celebrations (Lyttelton being Christchurch’s port ) and only one finished, several vanished, lives were lost. The novel resulted in her receiving a NZ Literary Fund Award and being described as one of the country’s best novelists. Another novel was based on floods in the Canterbury area .

A writer of many short stories, she contributed articles to the NZ Broacasting Commission’s magazine,The Listener , did broadcasts and gave talks about writing and books. The Dictionary of New Zealand Biography states she also composed “ advertising ditties” for her husband’s boat building business . Also known as Ruth France, she became a member of the NZ Women Writers’ Society and died in Christchurch on August 19, 1968.

REAL ESTATE RUCKUS

A prime area of Darwin is the centre of uproar involving well known people and the media seems unaware . It is understood there is a dispute over a boundary which has resulted in a legal demand for a cool one million bucks. Another person is said not to be concerned that a metre of his property somehow got chopped off , perhaps due to the chaos after Cyclone Tracy . There are claims that loud music has been deliberately played on an excavation site to upset nearby residents who objected to the project plans . Powdery soil has been blown over nearby houses . Trees were knocked down on a nature strip and the Darwin City Council , apparently not happy, did nothing . In addition, a mild mannered real estate agent driving through the area in his pith helmet was shocked to see a group of men mooning from atop a building . The same bare-arsed brigade rejoice in playing loud music, boozing, swearing and have even been seen sliding down ladders in wheelie bins ! All this in one of the choicest areas of Darwin.

EXPOSE IS A RIPPER READ

Wow! Award winning, highly experienced journalist,Toni McRae , who worked in Darwin for a short time, has written a stunning autobiography. The Iran-Iraq war , her stormy second marriage to criminal lawyer , Jack Birney, who became a Liberal Party politician , dressing Alan Jones in a skirt , hiding Lord Snowdon when his marriage break up with Princess Margaret was announced and the Qantas Bomber case - are all there. And much, much more.

Toni started off as a precocious schoolgirl in New Zealand with a burning desire to write who interviewed celebrities dressed in her school tunic, on one assignment escaping the clutches of a singer whose father was a famous dustman. In New Zealand she became a household name , interviewing many celebrities, then moved to Australia,where she went from strength to strength in the tough media world. A blonde bombshell, strangely called "Butch" by her editor, she made a big impact reporting Canberra and NSW politics.

Her fame spread when she wrote exclusive articles about the romantic relationship between Junie Morosi and Treasurer Dr Jim Cairns . There is much surprising content about Australian politicians in the book, including speculation about who may have been with Billy Snedden the night he died. She also co-wrote,with Jim Carey, Andrew Peacock's biography. A series she wrote won two United Nations Association Media Peace Awards for the promotion of Aboriginal Reconcilation .

The autobiography includes three chapters by another well known Kiwi reporter, Les Wilson, who worked at the NT News when Jim Bowditch was the editor in the tin bank building. One of these tells how he turned down the offer to buy part of a struggling pop group, The Rolling Stones, for 500 pounds when he was working in London. The others relate to the "Dead Beatle " and Elvis Presley.

Toni makes pertinent comments about modern media, the treatment of older women in journalism, and is working on another epic book which will also create tremendous interest. EXPOSE Scandals, Stars and Scoops, illustrated,230pp, published by Zeus Publications , Burleigh, Queensland .

PETER MURPHY RETURNS

Longtime Darwin journalist, Peter Murphy, was back in town last week and in the office of Senator Nigel Scullion. Pete now lives in Victoria and does work for a Bendigo senator. Another veteran reporter with a long Darwin association, John Loizou, is interstate, after returning from Vietnam for health reasons .

CHOPPER versus DIGIT DICK

Channel 9 has kindly offered to make its election worm available for the debate of the century clash between well-known Melbourne TV porridge celebrity chef , Whopper Chopper , and radio ham, Digit Dick. The loser of the life or death debate will be dropped in Port Phillip Bay in a gunny sack by the only fully paid up member of the Painters and Dockers .

Smart money is being placed on Chopper as he reduced Digit Dick to silence the previous time they met. The convenor on that occasion found it inconvenient to continue after Chopper hit Digit Dick below the belt with a side saddle of instant porridge the moment the bell went for round one. Onlookers claimed Dick went to water and zipped out of the studio without being paid a penny for his thoughts.

Digit Dick , inoculated with a rusty His Master’s Voice gramophone needle when he was a baby, has been in heavy training for the great debate . Luckily, his tonsils were undamaged when he was recently run over by a convoy of phantom trucks which left him brain dead and quacking like a Patagonian trotting duck during the mating season.

Doctors , unfortunately, performed a miracle operation on his gregarious grey matter, a wonderful piece of what- the -butler- saw keyhole surgery carried out through his noisy plumbing . Drs have warned him never to stand next to a man prepared to sell his whatnot as a Big Mack truck pulling a load of oily French fries could run over them while the two amigos engage in prolonged , energetic, no- nonsense haggling.

The Samba dancing Channel 9 worm has delayed opening a noodle bar franchise in Darwin so that he can concentrate on the looming debate which will have a bigger impact on the nation than the running of the Melbourne Cup.

DEJA VU TRIP FOR NT REFUGEES

In light of the High Court decision on the proposed Malaysia swap , here is another precedent. Back in the 1970s, the satirical Darwin publication -Troppo- published at the Darwin Star , which gave the NT News a run for its money, facetiously highlighted the plight of Vietnamese refugees who sailed into Port Darwin in many boats through the above offbeat travel advertisement . Nothing much has changed in the treatment of refugees , despite the fact that Australia should be more mature and enlightened, less xenophobic, even if the swashbuckling Opposition, daggers and swords drawn, scurvy rats in the media bilges , are performing like a pack of marauding political pirates .