Thanks to Santa , Little Darwin has had the opportunity to peruse POWER PLAYS The Real Stories of Australian Politics, by Laurie Oakes , published by Hatchette Australia. Consisting of weekly columns Oakes wrote from l987 to 2007 for the now sadly defunct Bulletin, it brings to life the political scene and its many characters.
They are all there : Captain Wacky (Paul Keating) ; Billy Bigears (Billy McMahon ) ; the self destructive members of the Democrat Party, ( thankfully nobody cares nowadays if a politician wears Doc Martens ); Bronwyn Bishop (Who?), the lady who from early coffee shop days in Angel Place, Sydney, averred she wanted to be PM of Australia ; mother’s battered baby, Alexander Downer ; Andrew Peacock , described by gifted political pundit Mungo MacCallum as having gone prematurely black after a whisp of grey hair disappeared mysteriously. And there are others : Kennett , Cheroyl who went feral, Gareth who made a nasty suggestion about what should be done to Amanda , the Mad Monk (Tony Abbott ) and many others jossling on the national stage.
It brought back many memories for this writer. I was in the media pack which chased Prime Minister jolly John Gorton and his principal private secretary, Ainslie Gotto, she with the wiggle that brought some grumpy old Libs out in prickly heat , when they came to Sydney seeking support from the NSW Liberals against those plotting to turf out the PM . A larrikin and his own man, it was said that Gorton, his face smashed due to a wartime fighter plane crash, injected some flotsam and jetsam into the swimming pool at the Lodge.
They are all there : Captain Wacky (Paul Keating) ; Billy Bigears (Billy McMahon ) ; the self destructive members of the Democrat Party, ( thankfully nobody cares nowadays if a politician wears Doc Martens ); Bronwyn Bishop (Who?), the lady who from early coffee shop days in Angel Place, Sydney, averred she wanted to be PM of Australia ; mother’s battered baby, Alexander Downer ; Andrew Peacock , described by gifted political pundit Mungo MacCallum as having gone prematurely black after a whisp of grey hair disappeared mysteriously. And there are others : Kennett , Cheroyl who went feral, Gareth who made a nasty suggestion about what should be done to Amanda , the Mad Monk (Tony Abbott ) and many others jossling on the national stage.
It brought back many memories for this writer. I was in the media pack which chased Prime Minister jolly John Gorton and his principal private secretary, Ainslie Gotto, she with the wiggle that brought some grumpy old Libs out in prickly heat , when they came to Sydney seeking support from the NSW Liberals against those plotting to turf out the PM . A larrikin and his own man, it was said that Gorton, his face smashed due to a wartime fighter plane crash, injected some flotsam and jetsam into the swimming pool at the Lodge.
( Gorton was not your typical Liberal: he had real guts, clearly stated what he felt and stood up for Australia. He stood up to the Yanks over the Vietnam War, saved the Barrier Reef from being drilled by oil companies and tried to make the Commonwealth take a stronger role in other national issues. Joining in a stunt, he once announced from the steps of parliament house that he could not stand around answering Press questions because he was off to watch Count Down with Molly Meldrum.)
With my flapping journo ears, I stood close to Gorton and Gotto as they conversed outside the lift in a Sydney hotel on that fateful day. The PM spotted me, turned his battered pumpkin face to me, made waving gestures with his hand , and said, “Would you kindly go away. We are having a private conversation.” Later , in Martin Place, people crowded around him as he got out of a car , and one well wisher cried out, “ Don’t let the bastards get you down , John .” The bastards did . At a vote on his leadership it was fifty fifty and Gorton , having the final casting vote, removed himself as PM. Can you imagine Howard doing this if his jelly babies had been brave enough to issue a challenge ? In came the disastrous Billy McMahon.
He and wife Sonia flew off to America and she appeared at the White House in that split up the leg dress. A cruel, but inspired scribe described the PM and his lady as The Naked and The Dead. While Sonia was in hospital doing her bit for the nation having a baby, I was sent to interview the proud father at his home. He stressed how busy he had been all year and showed me a nondescript piece of lacquer ware he had been given during an Asian trip . A bemused look on her face, his mother- in - law looked on .
One Saturday night I was instructed by a newspaper to attend a small Sydney function at which Dame Zara Holt, she of the vanished husband, surrounded by gilded members of the Australian Ballet, held court. The one and only Sir Robert Helpmann was there; he told the fabulous story of having been invited to spend a weekend at the ancestral home of an English aristocrat. As Sir Robert strode up the huge staircase, paintings of ancestors with receding chins glared down at him. His Lordship was eventually located in an ornate room – entertaining a Shetland pony to morning tea !
He and wife Sonia flew off to America and she appeared at the White House in that split up the leg dress. A cruel, but inspired scribe described the PM and his lady as The Naked and The Dead. While Sonia was in hospital doing her bit for the nation having a baby, I was sent to interview the proud father at his home. He stressed how busy he had been all year and showed me a nondescript piece of lacquer ware he had been given during an Asian trip . A bemused look on her face, his mother- in - law looked on .
One Saturday night I was instructed by a newspaper to attend a small Sydney function at which Dame Zara Holt, she of the vanished husband, surrounded by gilded members of the Australian Ballet, held court. The one and only Sir Robert Helpmann was there; he told the fabulous story of having been invited to spend a weekend at the ancestral home of an English aristocrat. As Sir Robert strode up the huge staircase, paintings of ancestors with receding chins glared down at him. His Lordship was eventually located in an ornate room – entertaining a Shetland pony to morning tea !
On the Territory side, this writer recalls two colourful events involving Bob Hawke . Tired and emotional during a visit to Darwin when he was the ACTU kingpin, Robert James Lee did not know how close he came to being abused, even castrated, when he described a young Alsatian pup , owned by the ALP female hostess cutting up cheese, etc. with a sharp knife, in the most derogatory terms. She expressed anger at his fruity abuse of the animal and said she had a good mind to go over and give Hawkey a real piece of her mind.
The other piddling bit of gossip relates to the time Hawke was in a small aircraft which flew from Darwin out to Gove, a journalist or two aboard, with an esky full of grog for life support. After several mile high coldies had been consumed by one and all the call of nature made itself known , there was only one solution : the esky, the sloshing water colder than a nun’s nasty. The end result was an unusual coalition cocktail - printers ink and solidarity soda.
In the book Lawrie Oakes recounts the time John Laws and his wife were met at the door by a naked Bob Hawke. One wonders if Laws was , surprisingly, lost for words at the apparition , because I can remember an irate Italian barber once telling me the man with the golden microphone could babble under wet concrete . There are concise words of wisdom in the book for current politicians, especially here in the NT. On another occasion, perhaps, other recollections of old Parliament House and its Non Members’ Bar , may be aired by Little Darwin.
