CHOIR OF HARD KNOCKERS

In an act of sheer desperation, Jimmy Barnes has been asked to help a dysfunctional group – the Federal Coalition- to sing along in unison. It is an extremely difficult task which if successful will earn Jimmy the Croix de Guerre, a sloppy kiss on both cheeks from General Charles de Gaulle , and the Royal Order of the Nepalese Albino Elephant. The coalition has been singing off key ever since their longstanding bandmeister , Little Johnny Howard, fell off the rostrum and jammed the conductor’s baton up his e-flat major, very painful.


His replacement, Brendan Nelson, favoured sea shanties, but his crew became seasick in the doldrums and Lord Nelson went down with scurvy . Up popped the promising troubadour , Malcolm Turnbull , a graduate of the Sydney Conservatorium of Music but, despite his credentials, he started to sound like a cracked recording of the Great Caruso . A prominent soprano fell off the back bench , tore her stockings , and called it a day . Another castrata, who nearly made it to the top of the charts, developed laryngitis and withdrew from public appearances and now passes his time writing exceedingly passionate Mills and Boons romances .


And to add to the deafening Coalition cacophony , hayseed National Party members have increasingly become noisier than a gumleaf band high on moonshine . A new Liberal Party choir boy from South Australia today described the squawks of the National Party as annoying as Jimmy Durante’s lost chord . Another prominent Iiberal who officiated at the North Australian Eisteddfod for many years , and thus knows talent when he hears it , said the Nats should buzz off and scare the Hillsong crowd during passage of the donations wheelie bin.