We at Little Darwin are frankly amazed by the unusual names parents give their unfortunate children. In Queensland , a baby has been given a name which on the face of it seems a bit exotic . However, closer examination reveals it is also a brand of rat poison! As far as we know, his second name is not Thallium. When he goes to school, the poor little blighter is sure to be called Ratty and teased endlessly . He’ll probably lead a dysfunctional Wind in the Willows way of life, drifting about like little Moses in the Brisbane River bulrushes. On the other hand, he is lucky his father , a keen fisherman, did not call him Flathead, Flounder or Grunter.
Another infant has been burdened with Nelson Horatio by his academic parents with a passion for nautical heroes and classics. We bet he will be gripped by mal de mer each time he sees his rubber ducky bobbing about in the bathtub and grows up a confirmed landlubber.
Over in New Zealand , a child recently took court action to change the odd monicker bestowed upon her at birth . The case brought to light other peculiar Kiwi names like Bus Shelter 42 (wonder what happened there?) and Champagne Amour - something must have popped . How could any parents call their little bundle of joy Crème of Tartar ? Perhaps they are in the baking business or eat marijuana cookies ?
Back here in Little Darwin , we carried out a scientific survey in a pub , carefully avoiding our turn to shout, and discovered that we have a wide variety of names for infants, but none overly bizarre ,which is hard to believe when there are so many dingbats in town.
These names ranged from the unfortunate , conventional Cyril and Bruce to the Singing Budgie, naughty Paris Hilton , wailing country music singers, Barbie’s suspect friend, Ken, and slinky models. Then there is the nickname a heartless Darwin father has given his teenage son who tends to be a mite clumsy : Willy Lump Lump! Who ?, we asked , thinking this was a reference to a cute character in a popular children’s book or TV series like lovable Bob the Builder.
No . It seems this lad could not understand the basic instructions on his giant Lego sets he received each birthday and everything he constructed instantly fell apart . Because of his incompetence , his gruff handyman father said his son would never climb the Latham ladder of opportunity and was destined to be another Willy Lump Lump. Baffled by this cruel declaration and feeling sorry for the kid, we were further directed to a huge , very active US website dealing with Willy Lump Lump failures , who appear to be thick on the ground over there. One explanation for a WLL is a person who pretends to be an expert but is really only skilled in creating snafus everywhere he goes - no wonder the Yanks are in one helluva mess.
According to our Washington Deep Throat informant , President Bush is patron of the Texas Legion of Willy Lump Lumps. These wretched Willys are keen on dressing up in Rear Admiral uniforms ,love marching about in military fashion and sport a chest full of made in China Purple Hearts. Our reverse charge calls to the Darwin chapter of the growing Willy Lump Lump Club have so far gone unanswered.
Our unfortunate Willy Lump Lump, we are told, repeatedly kicked the family cat , held a weekend toy fire sale and got rid of his infuriating mountain of Lego kits . Now he mixes with a small group of similar minded mugwumps who strut their stuff at Chevy Chase’s Wally World , enjoying the pomp and incompetence, high on the smell of their overcooked sausage sizzle.
Another infant has been burdened with Nelson Horatio by his academic parents with a passion for nautical heroes and classics. We bet he will be gripped by mal de mer each time he sees his rubber ducky bobbing about in the bathtub and grows up a confirmed landlubber.
Over in New Zealand , a child recently took court action to change the odd monicker bestowed upon her at birth . The case brought to light other peculiar Kiwi names like Bus Shelter 42 (wonder what happened there?) and Champagne Amour - something must have popped . How could any parents call their little bundle of joy Crème of Tartar ? Perhaps they are in the baking business or eat marijuana cookies ?
Back here in Little Darwin , we carried out a scientific survey in a pub , carefully avoiding our turn to shout, and discovered that we have a wide variety of names for infants, but none overly bizarre ,which is hard to believe when there are so many dingbats in town.
These names ranged from the unfortunate , conventional Cyril and Bruce to the Singing Budgie, naughty Paris Hilton , wailing country music singers, Barbie’s suspect friend, Ken, and slinky models. Then there is the nickname a heartless Darwin father has given his teenage son who tends to be a mite clumsy : Willy Lump Lump! Who ?, we asked , thinking this was a reference to a cute character in a popular children’s book or TV series like lovable Bob the Builder.
No . It seems this lad could not understand the basic instructions on his giant Lego sets he received each birthday and everything he constructed instantly fell apart . Because of his incompetence , his gruff handyman father said his son would never climb the Latham ladder of opportunity and was destined to be another Willy Lump Lump. Baffled by this cruel declaration and feeling sorry for the kid, we were further directed to a huge , very active US website dealing with Willy Lump Lump failures , who appear to be thick on the ground over there. One explanation for a WLL is a person who pretends to be an expert but is really only skilled in creating snafus everywhere he goes - no wonder the Yanks are in one helluva mess.
According to our Washington Deep Throat informant , President Bush is patron of the Texas Legion of Willy Lump Lumps. These wretched Willys are keen on dressing up in Rear Admiral uniforms ,love marching about in military fashion and sport a chest full of made in China Purple Hearts. Our reverse charge calls to the Darwin chapter of the growing Willy Lump Lump Club have so far gone unanswered.
Our unfortunate Willy Lump Lump, we are told, repeatedly kicked the family cat , held a weekend toy fire sale and got rid of his infuriating mountain of Lego kits . Now he mixes with a small group of similar minded mugwumps who strut their stuff at Chevy Chase’s Wally World , enjoying the pomp and incompetence, high on the smell of their overcooked sausage sizzle.
