TROOPS THREATEN TO MUTINY

Chef Ramsay has been rushed to Baghdad to prevent a mutiny by Australian troops who are complaining about lousy tucker. An anonymous Digger who was decorated after single handedly fighting off a horde of drunken Darwin punks with a stick of celery at a Mitchell Street taxi rank , said the rations his colleagues are given to take on desert patrols are "f!#+!!!*%!!t". Furthermore, slapped on a tin plate it looked and smelt like a swaggie's f!&*!!! sweatrag. Despite his impressive repetoire of expletives, the soldier denied being related to to or connected in some way with Chef Ramsay. The tucker situation is so explosive that Chef Ramsay donned not one but two bulletproof vests when he entered the Green Zone kitchen. He was shocked to see koalas, emus, camels, donkeys , kookaburras , redbacks and funnel web spiders in the food processing area. These, he was told, were Aussie mascots designed to make the troops feel at home. Mascots or not, Chef Ramsay blew his stack and ordered tha animals be taken off the premises . Struggling local Iraqis thought they were delicious , came back for seconds and declared him the best cook in the Middle East . The proprietor of Adelaide's pie floater cart believes the Iraq mission be Chef Ramsay's most difficult assignment . Little Darwin's Baghdad correspondent , Ned Chicken, will supply regular updates to Territory gluttons and freeloading local journos.