Communications geek , Malcolm
Turnbull , today outlined a
brilliant scheme to prune a squillion dollars
from the cost of the National
Broadband Network (NBN). It
involves training many thousands
of Sea Eagles
to carry messages , like
pigeons, between 100,000 wireless
towers , a bit like
the days of Cobb and Co.
and
the American Pony
Express. This will do away with the need for
costly underground fibre
cables and turn
node cabinets into neighbourhood
mushroom farms
and sleeping facilities
for
those thrown out of work and made
homeless by the fiscally
flighty Abbott Government .
In an
exclusive demonstration , Malcolm
gave Little Darwin a
bird’s eye view of the system in action from a Big
Joe Hot Air Balloon on a site
above a New
England nudist camp built around a large yabbie filled community swimming
pond. Sitting
in the
basket , we watched as an
exhausted Sea Eagle
flew in from Canberra , with a bundle
of top secret government information strapped to
its back .
The bird
landed on top of the
tower , which is fitted with a
comfortable R and R nest .
Another eagle then grabbed the
bundle and rapidly flew back
towards
Wagga Wagga or
Woy Woy to further prevent
the media from getting
the secrets, believed connected with the hush hush Operation Sovereign Borders .
Malcolm
said he got the
idea for the streamlined, el cheapo NBN
when he was plucked by his colleagues and spent time, like
a hermit , wearing a fleecy lined
leather jacket against the cold,
atop a treehouse
on his farm , contemplating his
future. From his lofty
retreat, he noticed an increasing number of Vultures
carrying carpetbags invading the land
.Why not
a network of Sea
Eagles to speed up communications
? Eureka ! A modest chap, he said this scheme
is the greatest communication invention
since Thomas Edison recited
Mary had a little lamb with
mint sauce over a strand
of barbie wire.
He does admit that there are a few teething problems. In the bush , gun –toting National Party farmers have a long history of shooting all eagles, claiming they kill their prime mutton , and the birds could turn Australia into a guano covered landscape like Nauru . The ALP Shadow Minister for Communications, Syd Semaphore , ridiculed Turnbull’s proposal , pointing out most of the women at Melbourne Cup parties wore fascinators made from Sea Eagle feathers. This , he warned , indicated communications throughout the nation would be terrible in the months leading up to the horse race that stops the nation and thereafter in the mad build up to Xmas , causing economic chaos throughout the land , feathers to fly in political and commercial avaries.
