ABBOTT SENDS IN CELEBRITY PENGUIN



Happy Feet dressed  like a  Tory.

CANBERRA:   In  a  stunning  announcement ,  Coalition Leader , Tony  Abbott ,  today  revealed  he  has  arranged    for   a  famous   penguin –Happy  Feet – to   play  a  major  part  in Operation  Sovereign   Borders.  Up  until  today , the entire world  thought  the   King  Penguin  , fitted with a  tracking  device,  had  come to  a  sticky end   while   swimming  back  to The Land  of the  Long  White  Cloud .

 However,  the  wayward  penguin decided  he  had had  enough of  the  frigid Southern Ocean ,  jettisoned  his tracker, turned around , and  swam  to sweaty  Darwin  . Since then he  has  been   whooping  it   up  in  the   Darwin  nightclub  district, showered  with  free   grog  and  sardines  by  rowdy  Irish  backpackers .        

 On   Abbott’s  recent  trip  to  Darwin  he   looked    exhausted   and   possibly  on  the verge  of a  heart attack  after  taking  part  in a  strenuous  military  PT  run.    Gawd   knows  who  would  head  the miserable Tory  ship  of state  if  Abbott  suddenly  went   to   Heaven. Consider  this , dear voter .     Abbott’s  nervous     minders  bumped   into   Happy  Feet  in  a   noisy  Darwin  pub  and   thought  it  would  be   great  for  the  Mad Monk to  be  photographed with  the  celebrity.  However,  Abbott  was    still on oxygen  at  the time  after all  the  exertion  and it  was decided  to secretly  involve Happy  Feet  in  Operation  Sovereign  Borders.  Today  it  was revealed  that   when refugee boats   start   to  sink, Happy Feet,  perched on the  shoulder of  a   three  star  Rear Admiral ,   will dive  into  the  waves  with  the never ending supply  of  corks   from  the  bottles of  champagne  consumed  by the  Coalition   after it  becomes   the government   ,  and  plug   holes  in  the  vessels .

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