MOSCOW : The ruthless treatment of artists in Australia is hot news in the Kremlin . Our man there , Beria Humphivich , says Moscovites have been shocked by a secret signed document from dozens of Australian artists, writers and intellectuals smuggled out of the country outlining the suppression of the State Down Under .
The document reveals that under the new government edict many writers and artists who refuse to wear the official lapel badge "I AM A LONG-HAIRED POOFDAH"are being subjected to a crippling artist tax .
It cites the case of a brilliant sculptor who lived for 15 years on bread and water chiselling away at his masterpiece ,finally selling it for $100. He immediately went to the People's Opportunity Shop and purchased a new suit, a tin of heating fuel and other small items.
But because he could not then afford the special Australian Artist Tax of $90, within the statutory 10 minutes , the State seized his suit and kerosene , thus effectively preventing him from turning himself into a human torch, see photo above .
An Aboriginal wrestler and intellectual who managed to elude customs officials set out to swim to Siberia but was washed up on the Bulgarian coast, groaning and bleeding. Unable to speak, he could only point to his bloodstained badge still pinned to his briefs. It read: I AM A FRIZZY HAIRED, OVERPAID BLACK, POOFDAH. He then expired at the feet of his rescuers .
This and hundreds of stories like it are pouring into the Soviet union exposing the reign of terror . Shocked readers are told that many writers are being forced to bury their manuscripts and bank statements underground...but these are rapidly dug up and examined by specially trained seeing-eye police kangaroos.
NOTE: : This post plagiarised from September 18,1969, national news magazine,Broadside,edited by Pete Steedman, patron of the dark arts and wearer of black leather jackets and sunnies, once even during a nasty experience in the Black Hole of Calcutta .
Apologies to Dame Edna , long distance swimmers , sculptors , Confucius and the Chinese Secret Service , which monitors this blog, and anybody else who may have been offended .
NEXT: Arts Minister George Brandis responds.
