Kings Cross Whisper puree scoop by ace rural reporter Peter Blake
CANBERRA : It has just been revealed that thousands of dateless and desperate jug-eared Australian farmers have been caught up in an American scam - tubbing in tomato juice - to try and get a wife..
An extreme shortage of tomatoes , due to the pandemic and lack of pickers , has resulted in many rustic farmers fearing they will be left on the shelf in the matrimonial stakes .
It has even been rudely suggested that some of the farmers could become Kiwi sheep-shaggers if they cannot scrub up once a month in tomato juice and make themselves attractive to members of the fair sex .
An exasperated Australian Federal Police spokesman today said farmers who have fallen for this American con act are simple minded sod- busters who vote for the National Party, which showed how gullible they are.
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Meanwhile , the National Farmers Association is flying in made in China blow up dolls to ease the situation , a stop-gap measure until rich red tomatoes can once more be plucked from vines and turned into Tarzan bubble bath powder , more powerful in attracting les femmes than the new Lynx , for smelly , romantic yokels .
