In a crazed frame of mind , our waterfront roundsman sailed into the ebbing port of Townsville on a dangerous shopping trip and was greeted by an incredible sight which rivalled the famous relief of Mafeking.
There, tied up at the dock , representing an end to the distressing great Australian toilet paper shortage , was Galaxy Ace, loaded to the crow's nest with imported , soft New Zealand pinus radiata toiletries , the knotty bits removed . It is not a stretch of the imagination to describe the huge vessel as looking like the world's largest pack of Sorbent .
The dangerously low level of toilet paper supplies in Townsville was demonstrated by the above barge in the Duck Pond , flying an upside down distress flag , down to the last few crates of products from the Kawerau pulp and paper mill in New Zealand .
Much relieved by seeing the welcome whopper Ace in port, the twitching Shipping Reporter then accompanied his curly haired Kiwi first mate on her trip to a major shopping centre, risking encounters with sundry germs at every step .
He had been reluctant to get out of bed that day because a news item said the average age of the many poor , elderly Italians who had died from coronavirus were as old as he .
Because his wonky sea legs baffled the Townsville University Hospital , our reporter positioned himself on a seat outside Woolworths at the shopping centre while his better three quarters bravely entered the fray with the deranged shoppers . Incidentally, she did not buy any toilet paper .
Then our hyperactive scribe spotted a huge mound of remainder books brought up from Brisbane , most priced at $7 . Ordinarily, this would have been like Seventh Heaven for the shipping hack . However, weighed down by the distressing Italian news, trying not to breathe any of the frigid airconditioning , and the fact that he is culling out his pad , he could but look.
Up and down the aisles he tottered , seeing many books he would have bought in previous times ...militaria , art , outback views , Chinese treasures , one by a surfing mad Aussie reporter from yesteryear , even the Mueller Report . One thick volume which he almost bought , flicking through it twice, was a bumper collection of pieces from the great American Mad magazine .
Acting on his orders, the first mate bought several packets of chocolate coated sultanas from an el cheapo shop . Upon opening , the contents looked as if they were several light years beyond their use by date, or were infected by a certain nameless , off-putting virus . Still , they tasted nice and the Shipping Reporter is still on deck , certainly not repeatedly enthroned-yet.
