In a brilliant move to attract unwashed Irish backpackers back to iconic Bondi Beach , they will be armed with newfangled spears, like the ones above , to ensure they maintain a safe distance from their sickly countrymen cavorting about in droves at the recently closed down top Aussie tourist spot . The scientifically designed .45 calibre weapons have been described as similar to cattle prods , except they are not battery charged .
A New South Wales government health / border security spokesman , communicating via unwashed Leprechaun runners , told Little Darwin the bulk of Bondi tourists are backpackers from Ireland , which is why it appears on maps , including the charts of Captain Cook, as County Bondi .
Each Irish tourist passing rapidly through Sydney Airport or coming off a cruise ship will be presented with a free spear, decorated with shamrocks on the shaft, mass produced in various refugee detention centres .
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Irish misbehaving as usual.
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Bondi , it is predicted , will explode back into life as the tourists , escaping the miserable Irish weather , rush down to the beach like a horde of armed cannibals greeting tasty missionaries in the Pacific , keen to soak up the sun , surf , beer and Neighbours way of life , helping revive the entire Australian economy in the process .
