DONALD TRUMP'S SECRET HAND LANGUAGE EXPOSED

World   Scoop  which   will   help   the  CIA 

Imitating a  frisky  Yeti  on a  bad  hair  day  during the  Himalayan  mating  season .

 Frantic  body language  experts  in  spy centres around  the  world , including the  CIA,  are  experiencing extreme  difficulty trying   to  crack  the  numerous  hand  gestures   of   the  fake  fakir of  Pennsylvania Avenue , US President  Donald  J. (for J-Curve )  Trump . However  , with  the kind  assistance of  Wikileaks   founder   Julian   Assange  and  Trump Tower  leakers , we  can  reveal  the  secret  meanings   of   Donald's  wandering  , sweaty  hands.

A  finger  lickin' artist  was    enlisted  to  help explain  the  George  Washington   Masonic-like   hand  gestures   of   the   prez,  using  much  younger  looking  male and female  presidential  figures .  The  first example  , shown below, is  Trump's  way  of   asking the  leading  question : What's new, pussycat ?

In  another , he shows his stated  deep respect for women  by  indicating  God is female ,  a  hard  act  for  Arnie   to   beat .

 

Trump's  digital representation of  Australia, below ,   leaves no doubt that we are the  Land Down  Under , being well and  truly  forked  .  In  fact ,  he uses the same   gesture  when  sniggering  about   that  strange place  called Austria , where , he tells   his Oval  Office inner  circle ,  the   men  wear  red leather shorts  , called Budgie  Smugglers,  slap   each  other  on the back , and  address   each  other  as   mate , cobber  or  boofhead . 



Soviet splish, splash 

The president , we are  informed  by insiders  ,  often   issues  a  warning   to American tourists , diplomats  and businessmen to always carry an  umbrella when  visiting   Russia  because  of  the  frequent showers  experienced  in Moscow. Angry  President  Putin  responded   to   this provocative statement by saying  the  showers   are  the   best  in  the world , designed by Faberge no less . Furthermore,  he  said President Trump , supposed to be the most powerful man in the world ,  is a sook  and should  keep his hands  in  his pockets   and  wear  a poncho  and   gumboots  if  he  is   afraid  of  dancing in the rain  with  April Showers  and  her cuddly  babushka   friends .  

 It comes as no surprise that  President Trump's   frequent sign language for  Mexico   gives the impression of  the fortified  border  between  North  and  South Korea.

Next  fickle fingers of fate   instalment   will  contain  terrifying news for American  Caddyshack   rodents .