TRIPPING , a guide to Queensland tourist spots, includes this gem : "Mackay is one of the best places to see a platypus in the wild. Take a day
trip to Eungella National Park and watch this unique dick-billed mammal splash
among the water of Broken River."
CANBERRA : It has just been revealed that the real reason why Singaporean troops are going to set up military bases in Queensland is because the state is being overrun by millions of mutated Four and Twenty brand platypi .
CSIRO spokesman , Richard Cranium , soon to be made redundant and start up an innovative sly grog shop to make ends meet, says the man-eating dick- bill explosion is due to the massive pollution of Sunshine State waterways and aquafers through mining , dodgy CSG plant made out of recycled Lego parts , agricultural runoff , tree lopping , war games galore .
As it will be some time before Singapore can send in the cavalry , Christopher " The Fixer" Pyne , who recently unleashed herpes on the European carp plague , has been parachuted into Mackay to beat back the swarming dick-bills .
Our exclusive photograph shows him in his best Adelaide Club shooting clobber , which includes knickerbockers , plugging unsuspecting platypi with a punt gun , from a canoe specially built for him by the Australian Submarine Corporation , on the Broken River .
Meanwhile , in London , Sir David Attenborough , who recently presented the epic TV series on the Great Barrier Reef , is reportedly outraged that the rare platypus variant is being slaughtered, and says he will give Pyne the rough end of a pineapple treatment the next time he is in Australia .
Meanwhile , in London , Sir David Attenborough , who recently presented the epic TV series on the Great Barrier Reef , is reportedly outraged that the rare platypus variant is being slaughtered, and says he will give Pyne the rough end of a pineapple treatment the next time he is in Australia .
The wonderful dick-bill, he said , was a shining example of Darwin's theory of evolution , the creature changing and evolving due to the toxic environment spreading throughout the state .
