HOLLYWOOD : The latest hot gossip here is that romantic media magnate Rupert Murdoch plans to buy exotic Magnautic Island as a special present for his latest wife, Jerry Hall . Isolated Magnautic Island is actually the nuclear waste dump where hairy cricketer Shane Warne narrowly escaped being eaten alive by a giant , mutated cockroach in a Boofhead Productions TV reality show .
Little Darwin exclusively broke the news in 2013 that Rupert Murdoch was keen to buy the dynamic Magnautic Island Times newspaper , which had only been going for a short time , but continually scooped the world's leading news networks . An example of the fine journalistic efforts of the paper is the typical screaming headline below in yet another astonishing exclusive in the multi award winning paper, its motto , Fair and Befuddled .
Magnautic
Island Times
GRUBZILLA
HORROR
ROGUE GRUB RAZES ISLAND
By Unexplained Phenomena Eyewitness Reporter Peeby Beeply
EDITORIAL by Times editor, Peter Blogugly
If Jules Verne was alive today he’d simply die of déjà vu. And if he had been an Magnautic Islander instead of a twisted little French fantasist his books would have been less alarmist and more to do with real life.
The arrival of ‘Grubzilla’ an apparently apocalyptic Beast, named by Horrie Bicuspid’s 8–year-old adopted grandniece Madonna-Wavelength III, did lack a quality of shock spectacular better seen in John Carpenter’s The Thing (1982) and Zombies vs Cockneys (2011). The original Japanese monster Godzilla (1954) bears no resemblance to Grubzilla (2013) which is NOT a man dressed in a lizard suit. Clearly little Madonna-Wavelength III was talking through her nappy. Your Editor himself saw this denizen of the nether regions, describing it as more like an elephantic penis partially clad in a cheap PVC raincoat. Hardly the type of Satanic “End of Days” entity but more of an overstuffed super-dick.
This newspaper asks why Grubzilla has come to our Island when it would be more at home in a pub with the late Russ Hinze or wallowing in Loch Ness. Or does it have a political agenda? Before he was squashed to death on the footpath near the Sealink terminal, local identity Alfie Curmudgeon noted it wore a tag with ‘Simon Peter’ printed on it. Why would it take the Biblical name of one of JC’s disciples? And might it simply be an advertising stunt by the Magnautic Island Citizens’ Council to attract tourists?
On reading this fabulous world scoop , one of many , Murdoch declared it was his kind of deranged tabloid and he would like to include it in his media stable to replace News of the World and eventually the Sydney Telegraph . Other excerpts from the unique Grubzilla report ...
This reporter stood his ground by locking myself in the garden shed and calmly collecting all the insecticides, ant dust, plant spray and 2-4-5-T I could lay my hands on. Before your reporter had time to fearlessly hurl these chemicals at the Grub from Hell it moved on to attack our island’s cultural attractions, a park bench and a snorkel trail, and worse, our beloved statue of Kerry Packer embracing Warwick Fairfax. Nothing less than a cultural Armageddon threatens our citizens...
XXXX .The highly respected British newspaper The Guardian ran a report about the Murdoch honeymooners walking about the south of France and said that Rupert appeared to be out of breath ...The escaping radon gas of Magnautic Island would undoubtedly re-invigorate him .
XXXX .The highly respected British newspaper The Guardian ran a report about the Murdoch honeymooners walking about the south of France and said that Rupert appeared to be out of breath ...The escaping radon gas of Magnautic Island would undoubtedly re-invigorate him .
