Toffee-nosed North Sydney Young Liberals P3 pin up girl,Fiona Frisby-Smyth, models the Coalition’s answer to global warming , the carbon tax, the NBN , the resources tax, gay marriage and the enlightenment . The solar panel on her head will not only reduce greenhouse gases , linked to her CWA knitted chastity belt it will provide 40,000 volts of electricity to keep her a nice girl , unadulterated under the Pure Foods Act . What looks like a mirror is exactly that- a mirror- which will be used as a semaphore to relay messages when the Coalition scraps the National Broadband Network. Incidently, the much faster NBN may actually help the collapsing media empires come to grips with the digital age –but the Coalition does not want the mug public to know this as it goes about spreading doom and gloom in the luckiest country on the globe. Fiona’s neck to ankle gown will be standard government issue under an Abbott regime as it will protect people from the sun’s harmful rays and provide warmth for the growing army of people forced to sleep in parks and down drains at night . The fancy dancing pumps worn by Fiona , made from the tanned hides of Australian workers ,will come in handy for appearances on Dancing With Celebrity Nasties,all the rage in North Korea . When the Barbarians sweep into power in Canberra , new legislation , inspired by the Queensland L-NP , will be brought in making it compulsory for all participants in Sydney’s Gay Mardi Gras to only wear wholesome copies of Fiona’s stunning dressage - instead of cavorting about in disgusting budgie smugglers .
