Three succulent Chinese high rollers , missing from the Casino , are feared gobbled up by FERAL WOKS which have invaded all city beaches. Last week a party of nuns sunbaking on Mindil Beach was chased by prowling woks . The nuns , members of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, Melbourne , had come to Darwin on R and R to thaw out after the terrible southern winter. In a split second, a marauding wok turned one of the sisters into The Frying Nun, but seeing it was a Friday she could not be eaten by nearby Catholic longgrassers.
In another terrifying attack, Fannie Bay socialite , Gina Prunepuss, had a narrow escape while taking her pet bag of stir fry , affectionately called Quickie, for an early morning walk when it was pounced upon by a voracious wok hiding in the sand. Obviously lubricated with pure virgin olive oil, the flaming wok jounced across the dunes at great speed , grabbed the defenceless bag, only half defrosted, thus unable to run very fast , and tossed it into its cruel metallic maw .
A solid citizen , but recently signed up for a Jenny Craig weight loss plan , Prunepuss dropped her stir fry poo bag and scoop . She ran screaming up the beach , calling for help. Passing rocksitter, film star , solar-powered photographer and international ice –hockey superstar , Bazza Ledwidge , OA, IOU, BYO, a renowned rescuer of damsels who cannot stand the heat in the kitchen, attempted to snatch the yelping bag of tucker from the wicked wok . The crazed wok retaliated with razor sharp teeth- like Hannibal Lester- and brave Bazza is now , sadly, “Legless” Ledwidge. Crocodiles in the Darwin area have vamoosed due to the wok invasion , and head ranger Tommy Nichols has gone on a well deserved holiday while he still has most of his fingers.
