Fearing that the entire sub-continent will erupt in revolution and flames if India does not win the remaining Test matches in Australia , extreme measures are being taken to make sure "Little Master" Sachin Tendulkar gets his 100th century and leads the team to victory. Our exclusive photo shows Tendulkar being stretched on a rack so that he becomes the " Big Master" instead of the smaller, rather insulting , title . A psychiatrist has said Tendulkar is subconsciously mentally exhausted from being called the Little Master , which puts the brilliant cricketer in the same school as weirdo Tiny Tim and other height and brain deprived celebrities. The trick cyclist said it would boost Tendulkar’s confidence if he strode onto the field , standing tall, perhaps renamed " The Big Basher from Bengal". Acting on this sound advice , sporting Sachin agreed to the drastic action of being stretched on a rack borrowed from the NSW branch of Opus Dei. In addition ,wholesome Australian uranium , mined in the NT, is being sprinkled on his rice bubbles each morning to give him a healthy , defiant glow when he wields the willow and faces towards Pakistan . Little Darwin has secured global pictorial rights for this secret operation and will show you, our esteemed cricket tragics, including the fireworks loving couple at Marlow Lagoon, the change in Tendulkar’s profile , which will be written up in Lancet and the Catholic Weekly.
