RUDD DISHES OUT MAGIC TUCKER

Every Australian will be given a magic pudding to help the nation breeze through the global economic disaster. Magic puddings are splendiferous creatures ; as fast as you eat them , they regrow and you can go back for seconds and thirds, even fill a doggie bag . Never, ever, do they reduce to mere crumbs, like some conservative political parties.

For a nation hooked on gluttony, most of it junk food, and chardonnay , Prime Minister Rudd has hit on the perfect way to make sure our never ending picnic does not falter and we become anorexic. In shape and appearance , a magic pudding looks like our PM’s angelic, well-scrubbed face . Admittedly, a magic pudding also looks a bit like a former PM, but overcooked.

As we poke our Chinese chopsticks into our free government pudding each day a mighty cry will surely ring throughout the grateful nation, “Thank Heaven for Kevin!” Mr Rudd has appointed Norman Lindsay director of magic pudding distribution and instructed him to watch out for those evil Banksia men in suits who might try to starve the nation of credit.

If Australians are not content with an endless supply of tucker thanks to magic puddings, Mr Rudd has another brilliant plan. In the junk mail , each household will receive a cute little Iggle. Iggles, once all the rage in America, will turn themselves into anything a person wants them to : money, jewels, popcorn, film stars, Cadillacs , mud cakes and boxes of chocolates with hundreds of soft and hard centres .